Dear Jasmine

I am sorry. It doesn’t seem like enough but I am sorry.  I wanted to tell your story, or what I knew of your story but I can’t. I was looking for a link to your story that wasn’t the video, and instead I clicked a link which was the video. Once it started playing I could not turn it off.  I was frozen with hurt, shame, horror, and so many other emotions. I tried to close my eyes and eventually I did, but the tears in your eyes were seen before that happened. They were followed by tears of my own.

I could not close my ears though, and the sound of your wails for help have haunted me for 2 days now. They will haunt me for many more. Sleep didn’t find me and I know that it won’t again.

I am sorry that the tool you use to speak love to your friends and family now holds video evidence of your trauma. I’m sorry that you live in this world where just having a drink and a dance can turn into a life altering experience which erodes trust and faith. I am sorry that PTSD is now a part of your vocabulary. I am sorry that you have to go through months of STI testing not knowing if one of those will turn up positive and impact your life even more.

I’m sorry that while you were exposed in ways you would never have chosen those around you watched. Some lifted fingers not to help you but to record your violation and for that I am sorry, so terribly sorry. I want to hug you but I also know that it might be months and years before you can allow someone to touch you again. I want to tell you that it will be okay, but I cannot lie to you on top of what was done to you. I still have nights during the rain where I see the face of my rapists and one of those experiences was 35 years ago.  I want to say it gets better, but different is the more accurate word, different than your life was just hours before.

I’m sorry there is debate over what happened to you. I’m sorry the question is where were your friends vs where can we bury the body of this male so that it is never again found. I’m sorry that instead of support this has turned into your debate over if you wore panties, which for some reason this is tossed out as if that would have stopped that person.

Because of course he would look and see you were wearing panties after having drugged and go welp never mind.

I’m sorry that I know your name. You should have some sort of shield with all of the physical and mental you will endure, and that is now gone.  I’m sorry the internet exists in the way that it does where instead of this world coming to your defense and aid violates you again.

I want your pain to not exist, but I cannot take it away. I wish that I could. I wish that scum like Tommy Sotomayor did not breathe when tha breath is used to judge you rather than protect you.

Jasmine I am sorry.

Signed,

It’s happened to #metoo