I’ve been accused of being a romantic. That would normally be fighting words except I can’t beat the person who said it. Normally I would not stress about not being able to beat the person, but I am unsure I could even land a blow and my ego is not built for that.

This time next week I will be waking up with the little one snuggled with me. I am looking forward to that. It will be my first time on a plane and in California since 2001. It will be an adventure. I know that I will see the Daddy person Friday, and after that who knows, but this trip is for me and the little one.

Giggles and snuggles and I am sure there will be too much food and candy and I am looking forward to it all. It’s the first time since Clyde exited my uterus that I’ve taken a ‘non kink’ vacation. That’s saying a lot. With work being work and lots of other life choices up in the air right now for me, this is a good thing. It’s not the type of vacation where I can tan, and drink and veg out but a vacation it is.

I’m nervous about flying but that should be little surprise. I’m nervous about the conversations which will be had this week and while I am there.

I really am at a point where I have to choose between two things I love. I even know which one I love more. You would think that this makes the decision simpler but it does not.

I asked him which he thought motivated me more, love or slavery. His response was love.

While the search for love, giving and receiving is certainly a high motivation, that’s not what propels me. I’ve walked away from ‘love’ when it doesn’t serve me. What I’ve never walked away from is slavery.

So how do you reconcile that? The one who should know me the best is oblivious to my motivation. That’s an ugly realization I don’t want on a Saturday morning yet here it is.