I will usually pick a category to drop these in, as I scrolled tonight I realized I have yet another category I am going to have to retire, A Single Tale.
I’d like to say that I had no concerns, but it’s me…you know I’d be lying and well I am not in the business of lying to myself these days.
My concerns were usually met with measured process to make them go away. I got better at it as time moved along in the way that time does…she waits for nothing and no one.
A week ago I was unbalanced. I still am, but for other reasons. Where I go from here is not a reason. I go to Vallejo, California, possibly even sooner than June.
If you are reasonably smart by now you’ve figured out the Daddy person has another relationship. I knew this when I met him. I knew this when I asked him. I am not one of those who require monogamy, and I can share. I had concerns though.
In the beginning it was how would I compete with the established relationship. Then I’d remind myself I do not compete and the cycle would keep rolling along, until one day the wheel caught a flat and didn’t roll. Then I had concerns about moving. What would that look like, what would work look like, I need HOW FUCKING MUCH MONEY TO PULL THIS OFF???????????????
I still have some of those moments, but the reality is this is happening.
I thought I understood the nature of their relationship. I would find out that I did not, at least not completely. As new layers of it were exposed to me, I found myself in the awkward position of not liking the other person.
Cool, I told myself we will just work this like a V. Then I got to thinking about all the little details and knew that a V was going to be a hard sell to me. Not impossible, that’s how all in I am, but a super hard sell. Then I would ask myself two questions
- Do you want him?
- Do you love him?
As long as the answer to both was yes, I understood I would figure it out, and I mostly had done just that.
One of the peculiar things about this, well peculiar if I look through the glasses of Old Nicole, is my trust in him. Me the girl who trusts no one, has always in a sense trusted him. Weird.
While all the particulars aren’t always revealed to me, the big picture has always remained. Him. Me. California. El Fin.
After the New Year, he took some action and set some things in motion. Then this last weekend happened. The specifics are not to be disclosed, but the result is there is no more V.
Now, its a matter of the details of getting me from here to there.
The details which were up in the air in a way because of planning around her presence, which is no longer a factor.
They are done. We are not. I am moving.
While I would spare him the last weekend if I could, I won’t lie and say this is simpler….for me.
It just sucks to be her to have to pay this tax on her birthday weekend.