I’m a month out from removing the uterus and in seven days I will we on my final weekend before returning to the j o b. I’m not super excited about returning other than the bi-weekly paycheck and I’m reminded why that is a problem.

After I chucked the dueces to the Health Department I waited tables. I worked at an iHOP, it was a cool one. One of the regulars who came to my station, no matter where it happened to be was a family of 3. Mother, toddler, father. The father would talk to me, encourage me, and compliment me. During one of our chats, he said you remind me of myself, I made my first million before 30. Who wants to be a millionaire though?

I frequently stop to evaluate my why in doing things. At the end of the day? I appreciate the flexibility that money provides me but I don’t chase money. I also have a specific reaction when money rears her ghastly head and I need to juggle a financial commitment. The duality of that is not lost on me, and I’ve actually located the solve, well kinda.

The chase of the dollar floats around my brain a lot these COVID days as the numbers in the United States rise. COVID is the #1 reason why I haven’t seen Daddy. The risk to our health and the health of the people we love is greater than our desire to be with each other. I feel that is going to change soon-ish, yet the upcoming holiday season and Americans refusal to sit the fuck down could very well make that impossible. Impossible is not the right work, improbable is better.

I want to spend time with the man that I love. That doesn’t seem like too much to ask, yet the world around us makes that unsafe until the move happens. Right now the target is summer of 2021 and I spend an obscene amount of time figuring out how to move that timeline up. I have to admit, if he called today and said I’ve fixed home and it’s okay for you to arrive, I would thank Wanda and be on the next thing smoking out.

I’m not worried about finding a job. The issue right now is housing and relocation costs. The simplest solution is not all that simple. The next steps to that aren’t completed so I sit here and try to figure out ways to increase income to make this move faster.

Oddly I don’t worry about what life living with him will be like. Once these cigarettes are put down for good everything else will fall in place. No one has ever been as good a fit for me, not even that person I once referred to as the love of my life.

What I’ve learned in these couple years, I am the love of my life. This current road is based on that and it has not yet steered me wrong. I just really miss all of the layers and variety of him and being able to touch him. Yes a sexual touch but something as simple as being able to reach out in the middle of the night and touch him is desperately needed. It is coming though.

In the interim, back to work.