When I first thought about writing this I thought I would begin with loss. I recall the first time I had to recover and rebuild. It was after Kimball St. I recall finally meeting the LL at the storage. I expected that he would do the right thing, even though he’d already shown me that he would not. Hmmm I guess I did begin with loss in a sense.

I can still clearly see my supports. My twin towers so to speak by my side as we walked to the unit. I thought to myself why was it so small and I found out shortly.

He’d gotten rid of all my furniture, possibly now populating the neighboring houses. I had a full household of items, including a refrigerator since back then LL were not required to provide one. I wasn’t all that mad about that since I essentially ghosted RAC for the thing. My son’s clothes and toys…..gone. My son’s bed and my bed…gone. To this day that is still my fave bed/headboard combo, debate your momma. He opened up that door and the first thing I saw was the Shark vacuum cleaner.

My knees buckled, tears began to flow and I am sure I let out some gutteral cry that I could not replicate today because I’ve been there again and as the song says it is never as good as the first time.

I chose the Valley to rebuild this time. Not because of a borderline slum lord but because a reset is needed for the next steps. When I got the phone call on that Friday when I was not supposed to be getting any work call I already understood the conversation and I knew that keeping my current lease was a bad idea.

One thing about Karl refusing to keep his word and do right by me [pattern emerging], is that catching up on my earning capacity seems impossible at times. It’s not that I don’t work hard. It’s not like I am in the strip club 4x a week. Letting go of the Marlboros will add money to the budget of course will help but the Marlboros are a very good reason why I am not on the news and a household name in a different way that I plan.

3 years later it should not still be about 1900, yet it all begins there.

I’ve done a hell of a job keeping things flowing despite that bullshit he did but it was always going to be a house of cards because my choice to believe him meant that when he showed he could not be believed I was not prepared. I mean I don’t THINK he planned to exhaust my savings and then say kick rocks after isolating me 3000 miles away from home, friends, family, resources. *blank stare* I mean what kind of …..

I also don’t think that I did my best work in preparing for the worst as I made the move. I took the promise of the person I loved one ADDITIONAL step than the love prior and it was not enough. Lesson Learned.

My arrival in the Valley also invited some physical challenges I am not going to share here yet. I am gonna create a category for that so stay tuned.

Those physical challenges happened at a time where of course I was losing my health insurance, but due to the ineptitude of the first administration of the felon occupying 1600 Pennsylvania the ACA is still a thing and well I *do* live in California now and while they don’t have single payer they do have Medi-Cal.

I am fortunate to say the least that this particular issue is happening now, instead of a year ago or a year from now but the Universe does not make mistakes.

You

…are gonna have to wait just a little while longer my love.

delayed but not denied