January has been here for 19 weeks and it is only the 16th day.

The end of 2025 was a challenge to me for a lot of reasons. I will disclose some of those things, eventually.

The first 2 weeks of 2026 were spent finalizing the plans I needed for 2026. Like all plans they are subject to change. Like all plans I have to run it by my person. They’ve been itching to hear what I am going through, and patient. So patient.

One of the things going on with me is dealing with the results of the election and the shit show that yt supremacy has done to our nation. Being transparent, this is always who we were but up until January 20 of last year I was given the illusion that there was a system or a version of one at least that would not kill me. I don’t think that this version will kill me but I wonder how much it will hurt. I am not as prepared as I would like. The 2026 plans will correct some of that, but the plans like always might have to change and the timeline needed to correct them might not be compatible with the rate of descent. I will adapt like I always do, but in the interim …….fuck.

In reality it was all an illusion. All the time an illusion. This thing which has fascinated me all my life and made me one of the smartest people in any room, was based on illusion. If I were a different person I would have explored more that this was only as good as the next handshake. The irony is that I did begin down that road in 2020 and was pulled away from it by that person. My exploration was discouraged and I wanted approval. I did not know back then what I do today, or at the least I wasn’t willing to admit it to myself. One of the sections of the book deals with our commiseration of the state of affairs. How the chaos brought us closer. How being the intellectuals we were and the color we were made being in one another’s life not just an option but necessary. For me because I wanted the fairy tale. For him because his fairy tale was now the Tim Burton version and his choice did not have the capacity to understand or the culture to feel.

Democracy as America does it was always a handshake. For the most part those we put in charge of it had good-ish handshakes. Some were weaker than others, some were moist. It started to get really really limp around 2000. We even got the homeboy handshake with the Obama Administration. Then 2016 happened and instead of the handshake we got a brief headnod. Then 2024 happened and we got the middle finger.

I go to sleep at night by reminding myself that this is the system and systems don’t fail they are either executed or not. I stay awake at night understanding that for the first time in my 53 years the system is fully executed.

That makes life a little more dangerous. Moving here was supposed to make me safer.

Writing the book helped me acknowledge that safety was never real, that when moments in time like this occurred the person I’d placed my trust in was too hypnotized by proximity to power to properly understand that their neck was just as if not more exposed than my own. At the end of the day….I can fuck my way out of some of it, they cannot. They fancy themselves a fighter but 2022 showed that to be wrong. 2023 showed just how weak they actually are.

I find myself in a familiar position, figuring this thing out by myself. Well not 100% by myself. I am thankful for that beyond words.

The difference is though I have a long and proven and soon to be published track record of success. I allowed another once to diminish that. If I know anything better today than I did in all the years prior is that I am capable and while it might hurt I got this. Everyone is not me though and that makes me sad.