Its been a while since I did a 2 day here but I was relistening to some music and it hit me. Sometimes you will hear a song that you just like and its cool, or in American Bandstand language has a good beat and you can dance to it.

This particular song made me feel. If you’ve been here for a while you know feelings aren’t frequent flyers here so when they show up I pay attention. These days I do ‘feel’ more but this song did it a little differently. It grabbed me by the throat and said stay.

It took me through the things I am sorting while working on the 2nd edit. Yes it is really almost done this time. Ironically it was a random .zip file which flipped the switch. It is also the time others have to contribute which helps. It is not the same thing I first pictured. rather it is the story that needs telling. Once this is complete others can follow but this is the one that is meant to happen now.

Going back through the specific time period this is covering I have to re-live these events. That is not as simple as it seems. I’ve been a time traveler for a lot of my existence and this point in the timeline is not an exception. Staying in that time period feels dangerous. It feels as if I will be lost in the events and the emotions and I will spiral. I know that I will not because of how my life is built today yet I also know it is possible because I’ve done it before. I’ve done a lot, which is why this is actually happening this time.

There was one line which said something like success is non linear and I see that in black and white on my screen and on the pages. I see it in my bank account. I see it in my love life. I see it within my employment. I see it on these entries which carry all of me to you, mostly unfiltered.

Even though it reads linear, the actual journey is not. It is also not a road walked alone. Those who I love and who love/d me also traveled and this is sort of their story too. They deserve recognition beyond my thank you. They deserve ridicule and blame beyond my memory. Yes at times the people who traveled with me were opps, I just didn’t see it at the time. They still came along so their story will share as it relates to my evolution.

The non linear path made to read as such seems dangerous but one must also write so that others understand and receive. At times I’ve wondered if I can do that Constant Reader, but then I am reminded that THIS exists and it castrates those abusive thoughts.