Welp 2024….first quarter was memorable.

While I don’t have all of the updates I thought I would I do have one I am low key excited about. Vizionz is getting renovated.

The coaching site I put up in 2020 after I realized what I wanted to be when I grew up. I spent a lot of hours putting her together, and solo. One would think when you are quarantined and in a relationship with an IT person, who can do that shit in their sleep solo would not be a thing, yet it was for me. Vizionz from the Bottom was ‘easy’. WordPress does all the work I just type, and sometimes spell words correctly. Vizionz Coaching not so much. After around a month I finally had something that was good enough [for me] and I opened it to the public.

I’ve changed. My cores have changed. My skills have changed. It’s time for the coaching website to change. One of the things I’ve learned is that I don’t have to do everything. Yes I am still doing most of the behind the scenes stuff because I’m working on paying off these credit cards and student loans. Yes I am generating income but I don’t want to spend it all on the support personnel until my debt is lower. In theory I could call up the coach and make the pitch and have the $$ in an hour. In theory I could NOT make the pitch and still have the money in an hour. I am not doing that though. Yes I am still obstinate.

Dealing with the aftermath of May 2022 its been important to me to hit these marks based on my efforts not anyone else. In some ways that’s always been a version of me, but also watching someone you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with reduce you to a total hits different.

I stayed here because I wasn’t financially solvent enough to NOT stay. I had to make this work. I have. Now I am here because I am planning for the next step. I don’t get to that next step without expansion, and expansion doesn’t happen without spending a couple dollars. I’ve blocked off 5 hours of this precious day off to work with the consultant and revamp Vizionz Coaching.

She’s got this LOOOOOOONG assed list of things I need to do, and I keep making faces but I know I will do them anyhow.

Yesterday was tough. One of the effects of May 2022 was me trying not to revert to old Nicole. I didn’t plan to trust and be vulnerable any longer. Who would blame me? Yet, I don’t just teach I also do, and I understand that I am not being complete if I am not also being vulnerable. It is a specific and deliberate decision to not retreat when your trust is violated. Yesterday was one of those moments. The reward? Well you will see it as it continues, but Constant Reader yesterday was intense.

I couldn’t begin the conversation, I had to write it out to start. Sometimes there are things too difficult to say out loud but that doesn’t mean you don’t express them you simply find another medium. I did and we spent hours expanding and exploring after. I didn’t hold anything back and when we finally stopped for the evening I still felt loved. I felt safe as I was cradled and I woke this morning understanding that even if this is not forever, I am doing the right thing by being present, being transparent and being honest.

We can’t move forward and be healthy if I don’t – so I did. It was rewarded last night, and I don’t have any reason to think it won’t be in the future. Sure there is this extra loud voice in the back of my head saying you thought that in 2019. And while that voice is loud, and isn’t 100% wrong, she’s just going to have to keep yelling because this is what I have to do.

I am under 300 subscribers to goal one. I’d like to wrap that up by the end of the month but at that particular app the progress and how to do it still escapes me some. I suppose I am going to have to keep paying the consultant to get to that point because I have a vacation to finish paying for.