I still don’t enjoy dating but things are looking a little different these days.

I told one of the folx I met on one of the sites that I haven’t had any luck, things just fall off. His response was I hope we don’t fall off. That was Tuesday. I don’t go into the conversations planning to drift, but it happens. Sometimes I get drifted, or I think the kids these days call it ghosted. Rarely is there anything worth making the effort, and well…I am busy these days.

Work is keeping my days full, lots of overtime for the moment and I am working it like it will end tomorrow. It’s not just the holes in the budget, which are getting smaller and smaller. It’s filling up the time in the 24 hours so I am not sitting on the phone forcing a conversation with someone who I don’t want to talk to, I just enjoy the momentary attention.

Also, West Coast men are still a mystery to me. They are men, of course, which makes aspects of them simple, but the overall? WTF?

Had it not been for the accidental conversation with the skinny chick with the bad weave I would not be saying things are looking up. The conversation did happen though, and there are no such things as accidents so I am rolling with it.

It landed me J. Seems like a nice guy, pictures are waaay outdated but I am not there on the space for looks. He was the first one I did ‘face time’ with and it was brief but intriguing. J is responsible for the title of this entry. It was his suggestion.

For those of you new to me, Aphrodite Brown is my pen name. I’d decided to retire the name a while back, even before Lord Voldemort, but my time with Lord Voldemort made sure that Aphrodite was buried. It was a respect thing. The former gave me the name, and I didn’t want to remind him of the former. Mind you, he had to look at that tattoo every time he bent me over, but he could tell himself that it was for him. J asked about my writing, asked about where he could learn more about me so obviously he got a link to here. I mean, if you want to know me, I present to you over a decade and still counting.

I don’t use the government name on the site I met J, I use Aphrodite. Why? It felt like the right move, and J knows me as Aphrodite.

His first words were the title was horrible. No one will ever find it in a search he says. I mean….he’s not all that wrong, but he doesn’t understand what Vizionz is to me and for me. I mean if no one ever visited her again, I would still write here. People will visit though, because anytime someone can see anything they think they can use they run and tell the little one. She knows NiNi is who she is, and accepts me. It’s kinda why I don’t talk about her as much. Folx want to tell the story so and so told me about the post, and she still believes it. I won’t argue it with her, instead I hold her close.

Vizionz is not the bread winner it is the think tank.

He suggested something like Mighty Afrodite. I rejected it immediately. The name is what it is, and I don’t need to lean into the ethinc version of it. Trust me, I am Black enough.

He said it was my brand. That Black women have a sexual power only they possess. I mean when it comes to me he is not wrong, but I am A Black woman, not all Black women. It raised a red flag with him which is likely why I haven’t reached out since Monday, but it generated questions. Those questions ended up with these responses:

Warrior of Love

Sex

Power

Yeah, he doesn’t ‘get’ Vizionz at all but it sent me off with the reminder that I am not the run of the mill, ’cause for the mill I don’t run.

I was reminded to lean into who I am. I forget that at times. I should not, but I do.

That advice rolled me into Wednesday, and my first in person with A. Other than Iron Man he’s been on the phone the most. I gave a light push for the meeting and don’t regret it. Should he stick around, and I introduce you to him Constant Reader, you will understand he is unlike anyone I’ve mentioned before. I would like him to stick around and time will tell on that one. I will say he is captivated, and that was the result of me…leaning into me.

I got to thinking about the things I left behind on Delancey St. Nothing material sans the Keurig, but the things all the same.

2020 was a highlight of me stepping out of my comfort zone and handing shit. 2021 was me front and center doing that which I love, because I had someone who claimed to support me. It felt supportive in ways, but in reality it was coattail riding. He bought into it because it made him feel better, not because he wanted to propel me to success.

Perhaps that was the fatal blow, the realization that I wanted him, but at the end of the day did not need him. Not in the way he thought he could trust. He trusts in fake suicide attempts and threats to break up with him. That is not who I am, nor will it be me.

I haven’t shared a lot of my year here with A. That will come eventually. I haven’t share the incident either. I am moving with caution, but I am happy to be moving.

Right now? We are slowly peeling back the layers of one another and I am watching.

While I don’t know what the final outcome will be, I know this is good. It isn’t wrong to love and trust and be vulnerable. I am stepping back out on faith, knowing that the Universe has my back and the results will be precisely that which I need.

I am Mighty after all.