I wanted my first entry of 2022 to be the celebration of my new address. I don’t have one….yet. Lots of progress yesterday which should lead to good news today, but no official celebration because the lease has not been signed.

I am not getting impatient but I am a little frustrated. I have a job offer on the table that I am going to have to turn down if I can’t get this wrapped up today.

While I sit and wait for the West Coast to awaken, I can smile at my fortune. I have one offer, a 2nd interview tomorrow for a different position. I am hirable. My time with the former employer might have made me doubt that. Right before I finally filed the complaint I convinced myself that it was all me. That was an easy trap to fall into, the resolution reminded me that it was not me.

My job search while still here on the East Coast also had me thinking that I didn’t deserve more than what I’d previously obtained. That was a lie also. I should stop lying to myself but the decades old narratives are difficult at times to quiet.

I will land a position which will support my lifestyle of choice. The Daddy person will land his position as well. We will both be financially sound which was a big part of the concern we had about the move. Me more than him, but ours still. Frankly the simplest solve is still the one that is not on the table, but that is not my cross to carry.

While I know the outcome of what is about to happen, I got to see yesterday that he sees it also and I don’t want that for him. It will hurt him, and I don’t ever want him hurt. It is a hurt I can do little to mitigate. When it is all settled, he and I will be happy but he’s going to have to move through the pain.

I just need to get there. The nonsense I am going through to get there is a lot, but in the end it will all be worth it. I’ve started packing. I might finish most of it today. I still have some things to launder and seal but by tomorrow I can be ‘all done’ .

Shit I am moving to California – wow