It’s been a week. A weird fucking week and frankly one that I am grateful is almost over. Almost doesn’t count though so I have to power through because even if now is the only time which matters, time stands still for no one, not even me.

What did I learn this week? I learned that when I wonder about if this path is the right one for me, I can look at this week and say without reservation : I am. The me which I was worried about, the one who emerged from the summer house, the one who launched Vizionz Coaching, the one who took a chance on love again was a fraud. In the business – damn I like the sound of that – in the business we call it imposter syndrome. The nagging doubt that who I am presenting is not the person I am, that because of that the ‘people’ will see through me and I cannot prosper.

I am not an imposter. That new Nicole is real. She is real and she is amazing. What she also is….human. The last 24 hours or so is reflective of my humanity not that who I am is inauthentic. I can deal with human. Inauthenticity not as much and it’s not a factor.

Despite all of the proof I still had doubts. Why wouldn’t I? Why do I? That’s something else to unpack. Right now though I am going to run a fat girl victory lap at not letting old Nicole take up residence.

Every old nagging negative thought she tried to toss out there didn’t take hold. I allowed myself to FEEL the emotions and didn’t allow them to linger. Yes it also took hearing words from the Daddy person, but I allowed myself to be vulnerable enough to express what I was feeling. I didn’t panic, I shared. I didn’t retreat I engaged. I left myself open to the possibility the answer to the question might not be what I wanted to hear and I asked anyway.

I also identified a Nicole thing, and it flipped the switch on a light bulb for me.

I said some things to the Daddy person. The words were not because I wanted to say them. Inside this big head of mine some other version of me was like BITCH LET IT HAPPEN! After all it is in my best interest….on the surface at least.

I didn’t just let it happen though I did the right thing. The honorable thing. The thing which centered US and not just me. My reward for that? Other than being able to rest knowing I am who I am? The month might very well change. It might still be a month that begins with J, but not the one on my calendar currently.

I also get to step back in front of the camera and say without feeling fraudulent what steps need to happen. I did them. They worked.

I am