I was sure that I would come here to celebrate a successful presentation that was well received, and gave me the opportunity to reach out more and do this thing I’ve planned.

The universe has other plans for me though, and I’m learning how to rock with them. I’ve fought them, now I’m rolling with them. Rolling with them is not easier, but it does hurt less.

I ended up in Facebook jail for 30 days based on a memory. I mean it was a good memory, but I wanted to pimp my presentation and some other things and there I was impaired.

That 30 days of impairment showed me a lot.

There were lessons I didn’t know I needed and quiet moments that I embraced.

Being Nikki Knights for 30 days, not unlike being Aphrodite Brown while I am here gave me a freedom that I have not given to Nicole. Even though she is learning how to live this new path she still carries some of what she’s learned. There are still vestiges of the person she thinks others want to see. We are letting that go. I don’t have to put on a name and a skin to exist. I can just be me, and learn how to bring those aspects of me out when appropriate. All of those skins are me, and carrying them all can be heavy. It’s ok to shed them, be me, and figure out that Aphrodite doesn’t clock into the 9-5 but that doesn’t mean she isn’t there.

I am a people person. Saying I am not a people person is a lie.

I am a *I don’t tolerate willful ignorance and senseless bigotry* person, but on a planet with over 7 billion people that is not the majority of humanity. The evidence of me being a people person is not new to lots of you, it’s just been systemically and categorically denied by me for as long as I can remember. It’s a defense mechanism I no longer need. I will put it down so I can pick up something else.

I made a promise to someone. I am still not 100% sure why I made the offer, I did though and I have to live up to that commitment. I had multiple moments yesterday when I asked myself WHY DID I DO THAT!!!???? But if I can trust the universe to do other shit, I can trust the universe to figure out how to help me keep that promise and why I set myself up like that. Let’s be clear I set myself allll the way up, Fat Joe could never.

I’m sitting slightly uncomfortable here typing this and thinking of a word and reminding myself to not go about tossing promises Willy nilly. Words matter. I don’t know what the meaning of that word was coming from your mouth but I will find out. Then I may start asking questions. Maybe.

This is living though. While I may not yet have graduated to I can’t wait to see what happens next, I am moved on from what they fuck can happen now.

My dark kinks were validated. I looked someone in the eye and they looked back at me and didn’t blink.

I had what I imagined to be an awkward conversation, more than one actually. I’ve tossed grenades all over the place and yet the pin remains in place and the world doesn’t stop revolving. I said I want to see what this looks like and the universe said, bet.

Universe I need $200. I can get by with 150. I will work magic and make do with 100, but I need $200

I went out of my way to speak to a stranger. The stranger turned out to be a little off, but I don’t regret doing it. The next one won’t be….probably.

It’s Libra season.

I wake up daily in a place of my own, I manage to not go without food the job still lets me clock in and every day I am closer to 1 of those items on the vizion board. I am grateful, in ways I can’t even type. I will not lie and say its all been easy, I had a HARD reset this summer. I am safe. I am cared for. I am becoming. Forward.

Aphrodite Brown