The 2020 Presidential campaign is underway. I am underwhelmed.

I’ve stayed away from politics on purpose lately here because the outcome of 2020 is only relevant if the candidate who wins is from the Democratic Party.

I am still wounded from 2016, and Hillary’s loss and the reminder from America that people who are like me are hated. The pain of the sexism, racism and full out embrace of both is not something I will ever recover from in truth. I won’t come back because I allowed myself to believe that the election of Obama meant something.

While it did mean a lot, it never meant that I was going to see a better and different America in my lifetime. Possibly not even within my son’s lifetime. That weight is never going to be lifted.

But to not dwell on that at the moment, I’m currently drinking spring water from a 44 ounce Wawa plastic cup and it would get my vote if it came out of the Democratic Primary and secured the nomination. I will drink quickly because I think if I don’t it will form its own exploratory committee.

It doesn’t much mater who the nominee is, even if it is that fucktard Bernie Sanders. Make no mistake, I am not really here for the narrative that an old yt man is the savior of the party. The actual opposite is the truth, but if it takes an old yt man to get 45 out of office so be it.

I am not really here for Uncle Joe Biden either, I don’t care how much my real president likes him. He’s just as problematic, just as much a remnant of a system which isn’t in my favor, but he ain’t Trump.

What political me would really love about this primary season, if 45 were not in office is the diversity. Black man, Black woman, yt women, yes!!!!

I cannot enjoy it though because….45.

I am faced with the reality that this nation and her foundation are based on yt men seeking power, and doing everything within them to maintain it. By any means necessary. While is something that’s always been a part of my existence, the presence of 45 marks an urgency within me that wasn’t even present for me as I worked to make the most qualified person to ever run for the office President. That work was summarily rejected and that thing now resides at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

I knew what was at risk for me which is why I worked as I did, and now that my fears are manifesting on a daily basis, I see this as the last stand. We may fail, but we have to take the stand.

This post though is recording for posterity my frustration and weary existence as I watch America not learn her lesson, and see yet another woman, a woman who might be great, subjected to the terrorism of male fear.

Kamala Harris declared her candidacy and I’ve watched over the past weeks the systemic assault on her career, character, personhood, spouse and I am reminded that my uterus is not valued.

Yes my uterus because while I identify as many things, many discriminated against identities, what I am the most is a woman. I am also a Black woman. I sit and I watch as this woman, who resembles me the most, is attacked the harshest, in the most vile ways, with the dumbest reasons because people in the year of somebody’s lord 20&19 won’t accept a woman.

What has gotten me to tap out to the primary season, which political me normally nerds out and binges on, was a brief exchange on Instagram with someone I once fucked.

He mentioned that he had doubts about Kamala but it was her interview on the Breakfast Club which gave him permission to dismiss her as a candidate of choice. First of all, I curse my vagina for ever wanting to have sexual intercourse with a person who listens to the Breakfast Club. I keep telling you she has no standards, this is more proof.

I asked him a simple question when he went on his mini rant about her history as a prosecutor, because of course he didn’t LEAD off with that he led off with the purposeful misrepresentation of her words and why that was the reason he couldn’t vote for her…..

Are you punishing her for being good at her job?

Meaning, while I have concerns with the justice system and how Black men and women and children are treated within it, I have a larger problem with holding a Black woman to an unreasonable standard.

If you want to have the discussion about why Black men and women should not be a part of a justice system which does not give us justice, that’s one thing. To say that a woman who excelled at her job is wrong for doing that job, fuck that.

He asked me if I was familiar with her prosecutorial history. I said I was then exited that conversation. I didn’t need to have it, I’ve had it too many times already. I mean this kid is already living in my memory as a bad fuck, I needed him to stop before he ruined himself to the point I could even manage to say hello to him.

While typing this I went back to his Instagram to try to get the exact quotes and to my surprise, that post is deleted. It doesnt exist on his page any longer. Ironically an apology doesn’t exist either. No admission that he was wrong about her Breakfast Club interview, no admission that he was wrong about her locking up the parents of truant children, no admission that his hesitation was more about her uterus than her policy. After all he didn’t know her policy, shit almost no one does, she’s been a candidate for 40 seconds.

He looked and saw a person with a uterus and found any excuse to say no. When presented with evidence that his excuses were flimsy, he just erased them, as if the underlying problem which created them – misogyny wasn’t a thing.

It’s not that he has an issue with lawyers. The woman he’s gong to propose to that he cheated on with me is one. He has a problem with a woman assuming power. He has a problem with a Black woman assuming power. I could write a dissertation about how its connected to his sexual issues, but that ain’t this post. That’s just a cheap shot because I am disgusted with him at the moment.

I can’t take cheap shots at everyone though at least not everyone who dismisses Kamala because she is a Black woman.

Instead I am just going to tune out, wait until the nomination is secured and hop on the anybody but 45 train. Well anybody but 45 who is a Democrat. The winner will either be a D or a R and you are delusional if you think anything other than a vote for D will solve the problem. The problem is 45. The representative of the Green Party or Libertarians doesn’t remove that tumor. While historically I’ve given people space to throw their vote away, my existence is at stake in ways it was not before. You don’t get that pass now. Now you get my judgment. While you might not really give a damn about that, you get it anyway. What can I say I am in a giving mood.

Aphrodite Brown