There are S&M activities which mandate aftercare. Things like staples or needles or fire play require that the responsible Top take the time to examine the bottom for injury which can get worse if not attended to.
When you take the obvious exceptions away like making sure the skin is not broken or that which is broken is treated properly what do you have?
In theory you have a prenegotiated agreement between top and bottom on what comes next. My photo above is used to identify the romantic distortion of the word. This is not to say that ‘’tyoe’ of aftercare has no place in BDSM, rather it is to stimulate the question to the reader….is this what you need or is this what the group think has told you that you must have and demand?
I will give you a hint constant reader: the answer is yes.
Just like every person and scene is different, the need at the end of the scene is different. You should not feel awkward if your needs vary from top to top or scene to scene.
You should however do some self examination and decide if the goal of your display of masochism is to obtain this exaggerated sense of connection after.
What is your intention? I am not here to judge you either way, I am simply asking you the question.
It’s a question you need to have an answer for because not having the answer can result in mental chaos after your scene. Improperly negotiating what aftercare for you looks like can cause mental chaos after a scene. Not having a thorough discussion with your top about aftercare can lead to ill will, and disconnection when neither is necessary.
Aftercare as pictured above is not a given, it is not the standard, and not every top you encounter will even have the desire for it. Is it a euphoric feeling to know the hands which hurt you can also caress and care for you? Absolutely yet this idea that the above posture is mandatory is an idea I want us to let go in 2019.
As a bottom, it’s perfectly fine to reject that picture and instead present an alternative. Even if that alternative is let me move along to the next top to beat my ass, that is just fine. As a top it’s okay to say now that I’m done beating your ass I’m going to move along to the next person please make room.
If it is kisses and cuddles you want it’s okay to use your words and ask for them. If it’s a bottle of water and a Newport that’s fine also. While there is no one right way to do WITTWD, a very wrong way is to allow the ‘standards’ established by people who are not you, become your normal, if that is not your intention.
Aphrodite Brown