“Love. I don’t get enough of it. All I see is these vampires and blood suckers.” – Jay Z

I had occasion lately to think about what it is that I want. I don’t do that often. I am much more accustomed to delivering to others that which they want.

I went to Weekend Reunion, and one of the participants said if they were to die that day, they’ve done everything that they wanted. This was the foundation I needed to tell a different person I see you. I have for sometime now, but in Aphrodite fashion I opted to remain silent. I’ve learned that just because something needs to be said doesn’t mean I have to be the one to say it. As the conversation with second person progressed, in my zen I could no longer allow them to believe I bought into their bullshit. I recalled every lecture and my simple response was I see you. Amazingly enough the conversation ended shortly after. I knew that it would because they were not ready to face their truth, I was their truth.

In the days since as I try to return to whatever normal looks like these days, I think of those moments and realize I have – or had everything I wanted.

Love.

I am at the core a simple woman, and in that simplicity my goal and hope and desire in life is to love and be loved. I accomplished that. There was nothing that I personally did to extract that from my life, even though it was. Well…I did pick Andrea, but mostly love my mission, was achieved. It is still achieved. I am reminded of that in so many ways.

My strongest bonds and deepest loves are not currently with me physically, but that doesn’t erase that achievement.

I managed to love a child. I loved a man. They both love me back, even if they are not here as I type this.

I don’t have financial aspirations, or outstanding career aspirations. I pursue my passion, my calling, more often these days than not I figure out how to pay the bills. What I’ve always wanted and needed…is love.

Someone to remind me that I am enough when the world tries to tell me I am not. Someone outside my super sized ego.

The purest demonstration of that rests with my Clyde. In an adult “romantic” version, that crown rests on the head of the man whose name he carries.

If I leave this earth tomorrow, I have done what which I wanted.

I’m not leaving tomorrow though, not when there is more love to give and receive.