Ayuda Means Help in Spanish



This is the photo of Bonnie & Clyde I love most. This is how I try to remember them.  I do not always succeed.

In the past eight months this photo seemed impossible to achieve again.  I ask you constant reader to help me make this happen. Our family needs reunification. While I work to make that happen, we also need financial assistance.

I have to rebuild a home.  Home in the sense that it is a safe place foe my mother and son.  We need new furniture, they need new clothing.  We need a refrigerator for food, rugs for floors, paint for walls.  If it exists chances are we need it.  What we need most though is one another.

You cannot give us back our last eight months apart, but you can give us the financial foundation on which to build that which is new for us, a different address but one where we are all under one roof not 3 separate ones.

If donations by you are not possible I ask, I plead, I implore you to share our story with your social media networks. While you might not be able to send $20, perhaps two of your friends send $10.

We we just want to be together again. Please help us get there.

The link for the GoFundMe donations account is here: http://www.gofundme.com/lmr8dg

Nicole, Bonnie & Clyde

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I used to have a lisp.  I often forget about it it’s been since elementary school.  I was all Cindy Brady all the time though.

Today though I am writing about a truth of my life….my vocal chords are a speech impediment.

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Bowling Night Back in the Day

Bowling Night Back in the Day



I can say without hesitation, I never bowled that night.

What did happen on this night was I came out of the closet to my friends riding down Erie Ave with me in my red Buick Century. We were lost and I just kind of blurted it out. They didn’t miss a beat though.

Those smiles are genuine, we had a fucking ball that night.

In the bottom left corner, in the black shirt is one of the biggest smiles of them all. That’s Don, a.k.a. Smoke,  The text came in this afternoon – Don passed away.

Fuck Cancer.

We were Squad.  Our numbers grew and shrunk over the years. Faces came and went. We were young though. In our 20s mostly professional absolutely degenerates…..in a good way.

We partied hard, we loved hard. Don maybe more than all of us.  He was always there with a laugh,  joke, a hug if you needed it. Even though we all grew older he remained young in spirit.  Our squad moved on to other careers, families. Even Don settled down and got married to a wonderful woman.

I last saw him about 3 years ago.  My life since 2007 didn’t allow me a lot of debauchery time.  It was a get together at Don’s out West.  The squad was in the house.  Well lots of us.  They even found a VCR to play tapes of our old ski trip days.

I laugh through tears now as I remember Don in the hallway of the Friar Tuck Inn, butt naked, dick swinging. Butta was screaming up the hall for Don to put some damn clothes on, the rest of us laughed saying that’s just Don.

He teased me too much about my sexual conquests but he also cared about me like a sister.  He was fucking awesome and it’s hitting me harder than I thought. We – the squad his family and planet earth – lost one of the good ones.

I’ll dance to this one last time for you Smoke. I loved you big guy, we all did.


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How Low Can You Go?

drop is real

There will be those who tell you they do not experience it, to that I say, you’ve located the ability to manage it so that it has minimal impact on your life – but it is reaL.

For our purposes here, drop is the physical and/or emotional disconnection and rehabilitation needed after a S&M scene or a BDSM event.

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What happens at Weekend Reunion – STAYS at Weekend Reunion!

Except for these excerpts I wanted to get onto paper:

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Once you’ve gotten to know me you will find that there is a consistency about me that can be either frightening or comforting.

My people can tell you how I like my coffee, what I am likely to order from a menu, which shoe I am gonna put on first and any number of things about me.  What both they and I are dealing with is mood shifts.

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Lexie’s Ass

When I started Vizionz back in 2010 I didn’t think I would still be writing here in 2015.

I expected my life to be different than it is today.

I could create a whole post about the I wish and what ifs in my life.  I don’t do that often here.  I do it fairly frequently though in my head.

October 31 2014 was horrific.  May 31 2015 my future is a tad bit uncertain.  The days that accumulated in between those two dates are days that I’ve had to battle through mostly.

For the immediate future I am beyond fortunate to have an aide in that  battle – Lexie’s ass.

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I haven’t written all that much in the last month.  Attempting to deal with that which lay ahead consumes me on most days.  I spend my days now with my spoon mostly.  She’s helped me through this in ways that I won’t ever write about publicly.  I spend the days with B also.  He’s so good to me and good for me that I wonder why after an hour of sleep, restless as fuck, I type now, haunted by a reality my sub conscious created that was more appealing than the likely truth…..you simply never wanted me in the fashion I wanted you.

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The Quiz….Revisited

So once upon a time I wrote a blog about a quiz that I found on the Internets.  That website and quiz no longer exist.

You can’t stop the Internet though….nor can you stop kink from finding those who want it.

The new quiz is located at www.bdsmtest.org

I took it last night and again right before this blog post.

I wasn’t too terribly surprised at the results.  I know myself pretty well.

== Results from http://bdsmtest.org/ ==
100% Bondage Receiver
100% Exhibitionist
100% Masochist
100% Sadist
96% Degradation Receiver
93% Non-monogamist
91% Submissive
84% Girl/Boy
80% Primal (Predator)
80% Primal (Prey)
76% Slave
75% Experimentalist
75% Voyeur
66% Degradation Giver
59% Pervert
54% Switch
38% Bondage Giver
25% Daddy/Mommy
20% Dominant
18% Master/Mistress
9% Vanilla
0% All-Rounder
0% Brat
0% Brat Tamer
See my results online at http://bdsmtest.org/result.php?id=230455

What struck me on this one was the zeros.  Last night I didn’t get any.  Today I got three. Mind you those three were only at 4% last night so there is not a great leap, but the zeros make more sense to me.

Bratty behavior is ugly and disrespectful to me and I don’t like to see it and I don’t do it.  It goes against my grain and it not characteristic for me.

Please take the test yourself and tell me where you fall on the spectrum.  Aphrodite wants to know.


Aphrodite Brown

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His eyes are brown.  She knew that of course but she stared at the brown eyes like they were the first time she’d seen them.  They were tired eyes but they still managed to twinkle as they looked at her.  She smiled.

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