Asshole

To Sir With ?Love

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Portrait Seven

i always thought that there would be more time until there wasn’t

I’m doing my best not to reach out today because I just don’t see the point any longer

I do know that I miss your counsel, and that with what comes next for me your presence could make a difference

but then I have to remind myself that if you were present how different things would be and this particular scenario would not be happening

to the man who once told me he didn’t expect to live past 35 – you did it

yes I still love you but no I’m not trying to do this again

2018 is the year of me admitting that I don’t have it within me and for once I’m gonna ignore “is that what you think”

 

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To Be Continued

at some point i will tell the tale of how I gave up.  It’s what I do here. I know that day is not today.

Tomorrow doesn’t look really good either.

failure is not the worst thing that can happen to me. Continuing to fight this useless fight might just kill me.

it was days ago well perhaps weeks is a better word at the moment when I sat here and thought this really is the day that I die.

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In The Dark

“What happened? Why am I on the floor?”

I’ve been in the ‘dark’ for a moment trying to identify the draw to jjabrams.  There are lots of things it could have been, and I allowed myself to try to fit a few things it is not into the equation.

It took waking up on the floor of a hotel room to figure it all out.

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2018

I’ve written a lot this month.  More than I planned really but that is both a good and a bad thing.  It means that the synapses in my brain are still working. It also means that my brain is too full.

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