To protect the guilty….

Why protection? Because I am at a point for the first time in a while I have something to ‘lose’.

Over and over and over folx speak on harassment yet I am not the one out here speaking on the past while alleging to be happy.

Am I happy? I am. Not all day every day but also EVERY day I have moments that being me joy and I smile. Sometimes it is just the random memory, the sitting quietly and the hand reaches out to hold your own. Most of the times it is the morning hello wrapped in warmth and love. When I check in once a month or so it is to record things like that there up there. Then I move along to the other things which matter more in the day.

I’ve been asked why I check and when that happens I show a screen shot or 6 to remind the person inquiring even though I let go, reciprocity is not the super power of others.

It is also a reminder that this location where I was once so transparent is not as safe as it once was. That’s my fault. I am correcting that slowly but in that correction I have to acknowledge what is altered here. Alterations happen, as I’ve aged I accept them differently.

What isn’t a surprise is the narrative which arrived unexpectedly but now seems to be the delusional reality on that side of town. What is also not a surprise is what the narrative shields and the repercussions of it. That is not my cross to bear though.

The details of what led up to May 7, 2022 are mostly documented here. I won’t repeat all of them because they are readily available elsewhere. The idea that some wish to try to change it doesn’t surprise me. It makes me sad for them in a fashion. I might be still processing some emotions but I don’t lie to myself to …well whatever the reason they lie I guess they think it works for them. I cannot force them to accept the reality that it doesn’t actually.

It feels as if there is venom that I am still here despite the attempts to alter my trajectory. It is why I say I am still here bitch.

I do not fully understand how someone who behaved as they did prior to May 7 can convince themselves of what they claim to now believe but again not my cross to bear, and my understanding is not required.

At the end of the day I am not the one to be angry with, and no persistent repetition of self preservation falsehoods will alter that.

What makes you angry? That the attempted foot in my ass didn’t work? I am still here, still thriving and still have the W you cannot erase. The receipts are clear as is my conscious.

Mentioning my child is a choice. For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.