I am thoroughly enjoying working from home. First of all I no longer have to get up at O = Dark – Thirty. That is especially important in the winter for me. I’m not in the city any longer, I am firmly planted in the suburbs. I live in the extreme suburbs, I work in the suburbs. The closest business which accepts money for services is a vehicle garage where services are performed. That business is a quarter mile away, there are NO sidewalks and Dominic Toretto is not going to pull into my driveway. It’s not that snow and ice removal is an issue there, in fact based on last winter its better than the city, its that I have zero desire to put miles on the borrowed truck and risk an accident when the alternative is I can walk less than 20 feet to my desk.

I worry though about the seclusion. It’s very easy for me to not interact with people. Tempest can tell you there was a point where even though we live under the same roof she didn’t see or hear from me for 14 days. I am good with my own company. I can go literally weeks without having to interact with people beyond things like going to the supermarket. Even there I can put on my headphones and sunglasses and never have to utter a word to another human being.

That is not necessarily good for me. I walk a tight rope most of the time, always doing a balance check and fearing falling. Falling for me looks like withdrawing from humanity instead of forcing myself to be present. This is one of those being present moments. It’s one of those moments where I pushed myself to not just stay in the house, I pushed to do something different.

Now I am eating an omelette which had onions in it and I did not ask for onions, but you know….baby steps.

I am dedicated to the concept on ‘paper’ that I will not wither away, I will expand.

Speaking of expansion…did you notice I FINALLY put up my workshop list? I mean its only been what 4 years in the planning? It’s not that I haven’t had them, I haven’t had the mind power, the energy, the will and opportunity while I’ve been restructuring my life. I needed to tweak them. They were first completed and shared with vanilla audiences. Sure some lifestyle folk read this but I’ve learned in the last 8 years that I get more vanilla readers than kinky. My audience is consistently those who are curious vs those who are performing. I needed to revamp them to an audience who knew what I was talking about…well the language won’t be totally a mystery at least. I added a new one dedicated to my spoon. It’s called YES there is a spoon. I know original right?

I joined 2 dating sites. The results are abysmal and it is crushing my ego.

I gave the turtle the boot again, I am pretty sure for good this time.

I fight daily to make sure I am not behaving like someone who shall remain nameless. She doesnt see the harm she is doing to herself and she is deaf to the advice she seeks from me so I just work to make sure that I am not also traveling down that self destructive road.

She would tell you she isn’t but if her story were mine to share you also would see it.

I am making travel plans. For the first time in 18 years I don’t have to find a baby sitter so the only limitation on my ability to travel are money and PTO. I thought I would finally make it to Jamaica this year, while it doesn’t look like that is gonna happen, we are only 4 days in and the magic can still happen.

I’m not in the place I want to be, but I am also not in the place I was. Forward motion. I will take it.