I spent a lot of time this morning writing in the personal journal, trying to make sense of the anxiety. There are multiple reasons to what I am feeling and only 2-3 solutions.

I told the Daddy person it felt like everyone’s life was a dumpster fire right now. His isn’t – well with one exception and he doesn’t see it as a dumpster fire. Only I do at the moment and the reality of things is that I cannot make him ever see what I see, I have to walk in faith that he is the man I think he is, and will see it eventually. Like I told him before though, we all have blindspots.

I’ve been so wrapped with the EEOC complaint, settling after my trip and before that preparing for my trip. Trying to just sleep more than 4 hours per night and trying not to go insane while dealing with the bullshit from the employer that I only just recalled that I haven’t posted any blogs lately. My first instinct is to take that portion of the website down, but I won’t do that. Mostly because I don’t have the mental spoons to do that in the moment but also because it’s a needed portion of the website.

So much rests on the resolution of the case, and yet nothing does at the same time.

I’m not suffering or confused or angry. I am in a holding pattern. When I think about it, that’s a lot better than the dumpster fire going on around me.

I need to do 3 specific things, I am going to close out this entry and do one of them.

and not dwell on the fact one more day is gone.