I was recently introduced to your blog. While there are some good things here I am disturbed by something; you seem to be proud to be the other woman. What’s up with that? Why do you think that it is ok to be out here ruining lives?

I have pride in many of my life accomplishments, being the other woman is not one of them.

I have cheated on partners in the past, I’ve been cheated on in the past. In my past and possibly in my future there will be times when my partner of the moment has a significant other. At times that will be absent of the permission of that signifigant other.

Yes I understand the concept of karma, and that there are those out here who choose to judge me for my actions.  I also understand that there are some of you out there who will no longer fuck with me because of this admission.

I am willing to accept that.

If you are still willing to keep reading after all that up there, let’s give you a little insight into my mind.

I made the decision a few years back that I would never again cheat on an intimate partner.  That was my decision based on the life I want to live.  If I cannot have a non monogamous relationship, I will be monogamous.  It’s not necessarily my first choice, but it is the choice I am willing to accept if the other person proves they are worth that to me.

I can only control MY actions, MY intentions, MY deeds. I cannot control what others choose to do.  I will also not accept responsibility for another’s choice to violate the parameters of their relationship.

I choose to not be that source of pain to my partner, others have to do that which works for them.

While I do not specifically seek out men or women who are already in a relationship, I also won’t automatically disqualify them because of their existing relationship.  It depends on what it is that I am seeking from them.  I am first concerned with my gratification and my needs.

This person with a spouse or partner might be able to meet those needs in that moment. I am being honest in my intentions, and they will choose to be honest, or not, in theirs. I am not seeking to be a concubine or mistress.  I will not however make your partner respect you, that is something they have to do….or not.

Chances are if I am intimate with your partner via sexual intercourse or S&M, I am not trying to ‘keep’ them.  They are there for a specific purpose, that may or may not happen again in the future. I am going to enjoy our time together, and not necessarily worry about if we are going to do it again.  Yes, we might, but we also might not.

Your issue is not with me being honest that – yes – I might fuck your man, your issue is with your man who is willingly fucking me.

I’m not holding a gun to his head. I’m not making promises. I’m not trying to replace you. That is not what I do.

Now, if I know you and I also know that you expect monogamy of your partner, I am not going to go there.  I will respect my connection with you enough to not be the source of your pain.  If your partner lies by omission, or hides your existence, I cannot make the same promise.

Historically I’ve chosen to enter into a long term relationship with someone that I knew was married and that his wife was not aware of our connection.  I didn’t take that step without consideration.  Was I aware that our actions could cause another person pain? Yes. I simply did not elevate that other’s pain to the priority of my needs.

That relationship eventually ended for other reasons, but I still don’t feel guilty about the relationship overall.

It is not my job to make him remain monogamous.  It is not my responsibility to make another live up to the commitment they made to someone else.

I loved and appreciated that person for what they brought into my life at that time and their marriage had nothing to do with our connection.

Yes I understand that it sounds harsh, and I stand by what I’ve typed.

As complex as I can be, I am also pretty simple. Respect the boundaries you and I have established and we can continue to do what we do as long as it works for us both.

That’s harder than it seems for some.

There is someone out there who I will likely be intimate with again as we’ve been intimate in the past.  I specifically asked him about significant  others, and he specifically chose to be dishonest. Once he was honest about her presence we were able to renegotiate the deal between us and proceed to do things which we do.

It actually helped because now I have additional options with him that I didn’t have when he pretended to be single.

So pride? Not so much, rather I am practical. I am into self gratification.

I am not going to apologize for putting myself and my needs first. I am also not going to lie and say it’s never happened and won’t happen again.

I will instead say that my reality  and my matter of fact personality is not made for everyone. This is going to cause some people to leave Vizionz and hold their man closer. That is fine.

I will instead say that with me, he is not going to leave you for me.  I have no desire to replace you. I am not going to get pregnant. I am not going to give him an STI. I may stick my tongue in his ass, but you weren’t dong that anyway.

I will remind him of your birthday if I know it, and I will suggest he spend more time with you. I will suggest that he instead of banging my back out go home to you and open the lines of communication so that the two of YOU can start doing that shit he comes to me to do.

Hell, if you get to the point where you are open with it I can give you some pointers, possibly lessons….although I suspect you aren’t gonna want to do that.

I am all about people living their best and happiest life, including their sex lives. If my showing you how to massage his prostrate gets you two over the hump and you live happily ever after… I am good with that. I can find someone else to do the things I want to do who is not your partner.

I’m not going to say I am a side chick with pride, rather I am the occasional sex partner without apology.

That to you may be splitting hairs, but this is not about you.

Aphrodite Brown