In a life that’s full of history, something happened yesterday. I made history again. I got fired.
I was good at my job, imperfect but good. Very good actually. My time with the company appears to be at an end, I say appears because there are still things up in the air right now. In theory I could return so I am not yet disclosing the employer.
In practice I don’t see myself returning, but if I’ve learned nothing else the past few years never is not something that applys to me.
I described in my last post that I was owed by the company. That payment might just be retroactive but rest assured it is coming, I know labor. Even in 45’s America the pattern is clear.
The official phrase was “mis use of company funds”. The unofficial phrase is retaliation. Regardless I’m gonna be ok.
I’m good for two months which I can stretch to four if needed.
I have other options which will be needed.
If push comes to shove I have a nuclear option but let’s not get into that right now.
Right now I want to focus on a phrase on my paperwork – substandard work performance.
I have 100 or so emails that show otherwise, but that is not even the adjective I want to talk about. I have a word. Permanent.
Defined as: lasting or intended to last or remain changed indefinately
I spoke to X – of course – because that is what we do now. We talk about shit. X is special. I’ve never met anyone quite like him in some ways and it is a part of what’s keeping me in the moment. I’ve historically had issues being in the moment but with X it isn’t as hard as prior relationships. I am the one saying stop, stay here. He is the one tossing around words like permanent.
His word, not mine, but in that moment of use I could see his vizion.
I’m not gonna get a friend/fuck buddy out of X he is not wired that way. While in a sense I knew that yesterday brought that to the front while I was processing what happened at work.
If I am gonna be with X this is gonna be permanent. Or whatever permanent looks like for me.
It’s a foreign concept in some ways.
I considered my relationship with Gei to be permanent and that is not what happened. Other men I’ve loved and shared our stories here not so much permanent. While I didn’t assign an expiration date to our relationship I also never bothered to consider something permanent. I loved them and still do but the idea that I would be moving to permanent wasn’t added to the equations.
X doesn’t give me that luxury though. If I am going to do ‘this’ I have to match his intensity and his needs. That means considering something permanent.
It means while I make these next moves I also have to consider how they will affect us and not just me.
With all that he’s gone through in the past 2 weeks, he hasn’t made one move without considering how it also would affect me. Well that’s not true the conversations with the daughters might not qualify but I know in his head it does.
So I am out here trying to figure out what comes next.
As always I will keep you posted Constant Reader.