I’m not just talking about my sex life either.
As I get to know X better I realize I am dating a thug.
Shit I just said dating didn’t I?
I’m sure in my psyche there is that bad boy thing but my affinity for actual thugs waned as I aged. Once I actually started having shit to lose the attraction of that dangerous life was not as appealing.
Maybe thug is too harsh a word for X. Maybe he just has thug tendencies. I have friends with thug tendencies like Carla, and that relationship has worked out well.
Over the years I’ve been called a thug which is always funny to me because I feel like I am soft. Mind you the rest of the world doesn’t seem to view me that way, like the time I went to Facebook to proclaim my non violent nature and all of my friends of 10+ years came out the woodwork to say NAW BITCH.
I’ve had people accuse me online of being a bully.
I got arrested and charged with 3 felonies.
I still ain’t a thug though I ain’t about that life.
I am vicious though when the need presents. If you put me into the position where I have to bring out the knives I am going to cut you and yes you will bleed.
At work I’m in an interesting position though, how much thug life am I willing to show to get what I want?
I didn’t think I would be at my employer this long. I figured 3-6 months until something better came along and I was out. I went back and did some historical Vizionz today, on an unrelated topic to work and it made me realize I have the opportunity for upward mobility in the corporation.
I recall the interview where both my supervisors proclaimed proudly that they started in the position I was applying for and look at them now.
I do look at them now, only with different eyes.
I first wrote about their attempt to recruit me to my current position last August. A year ago they wanted me to do what I am doing now. Things happen as they usually should, and even though I hate that reality it remains true.
This summer I’ve vented a lot about the job. Well, not nearly as much as I could, since I don’t know who is watching but you’ve heard a pretty good amount about Trixie.
This summer was BRUTAL. I was brand new to the position and shoved onto a shift with almost no supervision. It rested on my shoulders to get things done, with little training on HOW to get things done. My industry is complicated. There are many moving parts and if one thing falls down you really can’t dig yourself out of that hole. This summer they gave me a high visibility vest and a speaker and said do it.
I did. I made some mistakes along the way, but no one died and the terminal never burned to the ground. I tried my best to not alter who I was at my core. It worked mostly and when it didn’t I could honestly say that I did everything in my power to fix it.
I truthfully should have never been on the shift I ended up working. The shift used to be covered by a full time employee and I crossed over to management as part time. Trixie on the other hand was full time. I ended up working that shift because she amazingly enough works only Monday – Friday. If you know my industry and what we do you realize how irregular that is and why it raises an eyebrow.
Not only does Trixie work that unusual work week her shift is such that she is never without an overwhelming level of support in other aspects of the job. She is never without the supervision and supplements that I somehow survived the summer without. Yes I am frustrated at that.
I don’t know that I would call it jealousy but I am frustrated.
I look at the juinor management team and see people like myself who know the job, work the job, and are GOOD at the job. Then I see Trixie. I see Trixie fuck shit up yet the managers sing her praises. I see the drivers who can’t stand her, yet her name is always on the lips of one of my supervisors as a superstar.
This is the part of the program where my inability to play workplace politics harms me.
Labor Day was interesting at my employer. It’s a busy day for my industry and my terminal. I walked into a shit show.
Busy is one thing. The chaos I walked into was not excuse able.
I made the on purpose decision to not do what I normally do on my shift. I didn’t run the floor.
All fucking summer long I walked into chaos and had to spend the first 2 hours of my shift fixing what Trixie fucked up. I had to clean up her mess on top of still getting my shit done.
I chose a different path Labor Day.
I chose to work the customer service counter. Mind you that too is a part of my responsibility, I just usually have a talk with my staff at the beginning of the shift, share my expectations and then get to fixing Trixie’s mess. Labor Day I drew a line in the sand and decided to show better than I could tell — like I’ve been telling for months to deaf ears.
Yea I am bragging but no one can do what I did this summer.
Even those two women mangers who interviewed me could not do what I did.
I was able to accomplish a lot of it because my employees like and respect me. I treat them like human beings and I show them that I value their contributions. I can ask anything of them and they do it because they know I am fair, they know I respect them and they’ve seen me work. I don’t just tell them to do shit because I am the boss. I also get my hands dirty. If a department is short staffed I pitch in and all summer long we were in those trenches together.
Trixie is my 180 degree opposite.
On Labor Day I sat in customer service to supervise and advise my two brand new ticket agents and left Trixie to her mess.
Trixie and I had words that day but like George Zimmerman I stood my ground and fired my shot.
The ticketing and customer service counters ran smoothly. The floor did not. Announcements were not made, schedules were not lined up, people wandered about the terminal without information. People missed schedules because while Trixie might have been able to suck a dick, she’s not good at the job.
I watched her and another juinor manager and a mid level manager fail schedule after schedule to do what I’d been doing all summer long by myself. Yes I also watched with a little evil glee.
Yes it felt good to see first hand what I already knew I can run shit and others can’t do what I do.
Labor Day propelled me to shoot my shot. I’d already spoken to my supervisors about making my position full time. I was working the shift, I was working 40 hours a week – or more. I was the best they had on deck and Labor Day proved to me it was time to start looking up the ladder.
A funny thing happened along the way though…..I was given excuse after excuse why full time wasn’t going to happen for me.
I didn’t move…immediately but I watched.
The month of September is a down season for my industry. Things will pick up again due to some changes in our company but September to say….New Years is fairly slow. Before they could shoot THEIR shot – they being management I covered my big brown ass. I sat down with Human Resources and presented my case.
Look…. Fuck what you heard and the docile chick you’ve seen when it comes to policy….you aren’t gonna win that battle not with me.
Yes I came to this company because I had to but I never stopped being who I am. Other companies have paid me big money to write their rules, mediate their differences and teach others the rules. I come from labor.
When I made the case to Human Resources I knew what the answer would be because I know labor.
A funny thing happened though….
Suddenly my 40 hours were reduced to 32. Suddenly there was a need to counsel me on behaviors that weren’t appropriate. Suddenly I was being written up for an unavoidable situation due to the fuck up of MY supervisor.
Suddenly motherfuckers this smells like retaliation. I’ve seen the petty at my terminal. Shit at times I AM the petty at my terminal. What I didn’t expect that the behavior would be so blatant. I expected subtle not ticker tape parade.
This week while corporate is in town, all of a sudden….my schedule is altered to keep me as far away from them as possible.
If you want your chosen one to ‘shine’ and you know that others can run circles around her without breaking a sweat you make sure that you keep her in the spotlight and me out of the way.
What they might not realize is first the version of corporate here for the next two weeks aren’t who they should worry about. The roadshow of two weeks back was where the $$$$ is and that is who saw the difference with Trixie and I. While they had Trixie serving hot sandwiches they saw me in the trenches getting shit done. They saw me in our terminal with my employees. They saw me in the meeting and their response?
Of course I am, I ain’t new to this game.
Is still don’t play politics at work well, but I am damned good at what I do and I am fucking charming. And I know shit.
I get that they want to sideline me, and that they are petty that I went over their heads but I also get that it was a mistake.
I am unsure they do though.
I am in a position to win either way. When I say win I mean my pocketbook.
They are either going to offer me the full time position, which I will accept AFTER my trip to Baltimore for the Unity Munch or they are going to pay me partial unemployment. I have the proverbial receipts. Literal as well.
And then there was X.
We work for the same company, different cities different departments.
X works in a department that pays more than my current position. That department manager is interested in recruiting me. I’ve shown an aptitude for the department and what goes on there. The other employees in the department love me and the drivers love me.
With a little coaching from my man, if I need it I will be in the position to have managed BOTH sides of the company. That type of experience can allow me to make moves. Possible moves all the way to Dallas, Texas. They have a shitty football team, but they also have sexy men with New Orleans accents.
There is no lose here for me….just levels of win. It depends on how thug I choose to be to get what I want.
Proximity to X ain’t a bad thing either. I will rack up fewer frequent flyer miles but I can see we can make this work real time, and I would be in driving distance of my spoon.
Yeah, I am thinking after the last few years of my life it’s time: