Mike Coulter is a sexy man.
Often, well more often than than not as this Portrait series kicks off these will be self portraits. A moment in time a capture of my life that for good or bad ..or indifferent existed.
I am leading off with Luke Cage though today.
The photo here :
..was taken about six years ago. There is an old friend there with his hand around my throat. What I love about this photo is the peaceful look on my face. I can almost hear my sigh of contentment and just looking at it gives me a sense of peace.
It also gives me a sense of longing.
I’ve been on the masochistic shelf for too long. I’ve been on the it’s all about me shelf for too long.
This particular trigger, and this photo reminds me of a plan I had for this time period captured in the photo. While the trip was to a memorial for a lifestyle photographer, my intentions for that weekend were to assemble a group of “old friends” and basically have a gang bang.
It was a little more complicated than that, but for simplification purposes that is what I planned.
All of these friends – friends to me and to each other – know one another from a different alternative life. They were swingers. There were five of them who roamed the parties in the day, “victimizing” unsuspecting women. I mean that in the most loving of ways.
What I know about each of them is that they aren’t wolves in the feral sense and that things would never escalate to criminal levels. What I also know about each of them is they are serious about the business of pleasure and they figured out what worked for them.
Of the five I’ve met four in person. I am still lovingly connected to three of them. One I haven’t spent much time with, but I trust the others enough to know they if they give their stamp of approval, he’s worthy of the invitation.
One of the five while he isn’t my soul mate he is the one other person on this planet not named Gei who I will always return to when our stars align. Right now his punk ass is in Georgia which is a part of why I am “feeling” what I feel now. This anxious void in my life would not be here if Holla was here with me, or within traveling distance. Asshole.
Back to my plan though….
On this night the plan was to assemble four of the five and give myself a night of pleasure. It was gonna be all about me and my needs and I planned to fall asleep satisfied bruised and with my inner animal at peace.
That didn’t happen but seeing a photo of some of the crew together again got my wheels turning and thinking before August I can make that happen. I’d already in my head thought about bringing two together. While two may or may not quiet my angst I know they would come close and I would at least be able to think clearly and hunker down for what looks to be a long winter ahead.
It is a winter I can’t wait for, but that also means a segment of me will be closeted until I can settle in and figure out what this new life looks like for the family.
Then I saw the photo and thought three is better than two and got to wondering if I can make that a reality.
I like The Kid, and I am gonna keep pursuing whatever it is that we are doing but I also know that until I can get him to unleash his potential it’s not gonna cut it. I know what I need, and right now I am settling for not that.
A day – or night – with the band back together might be just what the doctor ordered. It in theory will give me space and clarity.
The truth of the matter there really is only one cure at the moment to what ails me, but in the absence of that cure… I need to make something else happen…..at least until chapter 5.