It wasan’t my intention to remain at my place of work for a year.  It was supposed to be the stepping stone, a chance to regain some income so I could take the next step to restoration.

I am one of those weird people when it comes to my employability.  There are many things I can do, but when you look at my age and my educational background the jobs that pay the wage I need don’t always call you back.

I hit the figurative pavement daily looking for positions that paid “enough”.  I ran across the listing for this job by accident and sent the application in just because I felt I needed one more before I stopped that day.

Kismet is a thing, and as I would find out later my selection didn’t have anything to do with my skill set, it was a random pick.  My city manager says that she gets literally thousands of applicants every time she posts an opening.  I believe that. Her selection process though is not scientific at all.  She went through the names and picked those which sounded right to her.  If she were a White woman I may have given her the side eye when she told me the story, but I’ve come to know her a little better and I understand that it’s not malice that guides her.

I had a name that looks good on paper.

I almost didn’t get to keep this job.  I missed orientation due to a technological error and I missed a day of training due to a communication error.  I was terrified they would say never mind we are gonna go with someone who knows how to show up.

My life changed some when I started working again.  What they asked of me is frankly beneath me and my skill set but I stuck it out.  No I am not gonna share my employer or job title, I have a corporate office that would not be happy  that I am posting my employment journey in the same blog I talk about fisting.

My depression lifted some and I felt more like my “old” self.  I caught on pretty quickly and earned fortune’s favor by being able to move from part time to full time in just a couple months.  I settled into a pattern and soon I was mastering the position.  I wanted  to learn how to do everything so that I didn’t have to ask questions.  I got so good in fact that I was soon training new people.

One of those people is Trixie.  Of course that is not her real name, I don’t use those here but Trixie fits this particular peer.

There was always something about her I found less than genuine.  There was always a way she interacted with the customers that annoyed me.  She just rubs me the wrong way, and that never got better.  I can’t say I dislike her, rather I don’t respect her. Trixie is the type who socializes her way into the things and places she goes.  I am not.  I work and I allow my product to define my value.  I do excellent work so I have no issue putting that up and saying look at me.  Historically it doesn’t always land me most favored status but I am always that girl you look to when you want something done correctly. Pretty early on I noticed that it always seemed like Trixe wanted to make our work a competition.

In my old position with the company that was just flat out stupid.  Neither of us were winning any accolades or bonuses, it was just come in do what’s required and leave.  Trixie though always seemed eager to show – who I don’t know – that she was just as good as I was and hey look at me!

She went out of her way to make shady comments when the manager was around and was always in their face grinning and jiving.  It was comical then to me, that in a position where no one was “better” than the other she always tried to outshine me.  She didn’t’ succeed.  I know that she didn’t because it was before Thanksgiving my city manage approached me and asked if I wanted to be a supervisor.

I didn’t say yes right away because my life then was different than it would be in the spring.  I told her I would think about it, and I did.  She asked me a couple more times and told me when she planned on making the changes that exist now.  I was the number one draft pick.  Trixe wasn’t even on the field then.

Our budget changed and spring came along and I noticed that they were hiring for that position offered to me.  What I didn’t know was in the absence of my yes, they also approached Trixie. It took a few alterations to my life to get me to yes, but I did eventually say yes.  Trixie said she would fuck her way to the top. She started dating our supervisor.  He’s an awkward fellow who to many women isn’t a prize.  He is also the exact opposite of the type of man Trixie proclaimed she liked.  Suddenly she was being coached and egged on by socially awkward supervisor.  The thing is though, when you rely on your personality and your vagina over your competency, things eventually show wear.

Trixie got an offer.  $11.50 an hour.  Without going into details about how that isn’t enough for what they ask of us, I will say my offer wasan’t that.  I turned that down.  I sat my city manager down and told her I was worth more and mt track record showed it.  I also declined the full time position.  When your work is tight, you get those choices, Trixie didn’t.

She did get the full time position and she considered that a victory.  Hey, she has a small mind what can I say?

Since our cross over she’s been struggling.  Every meeting our manager mentions something she isn’t delivering.  Every shift our drivers come to me rather than her.  Even though I don’t want to be on this shift I’m on, they put me there because they knew I could handle the work. There are nights where I am the only person there and they trust me to run the terminal as they would. The past two weeks have been especially hard work.  I had a situation that ended up in the media.  In my head I was having PTSD flashbacks of reporters asking me why I killed that little White boy.  That’s another story for another time though, and no constant reader I have not been directly or indirectly responsible for the death of another human being to my knowledge.

I got “talked to ” by the city manager, and I received her message.  Be the person I know you are and the rest of this will handle itself.

While it wasn’t 100% conscious, I’ve stepped up like a boss.  My terminal management has been stellar and I am doing things that others in my same position don’t know how to do.  Yes it’s me, but it is also those who assisted me along the way.  Those who showed me not because I was fucking them, but because they saw something in me that allowed me the keys to the kingdom.

They are grooming me for a different position with more responsibility.  I am considering taking it because yet again, something changed for me and my needs are different.  It won’t allow me to play a social game, but the work done puts me in constant and direct communication with our corporate officers.

My boss’ boss already knows me and compliments my work when she sees me.  This possible other position will make me known to her boss and the elites. I may do it.  Although I can’t see myself with this company for 20 plus years, I am open to the skill set it adds to my resume.  My occupation now is not my passion, but I am still young enough to alter that and eventually work my passion.

In the meantime I think I am just gonna smile and laugh at Trixie.  I mean…if you ho yourself out for $11.50 an hour what else do you expect?

Aphrodite Brown