Kind of

One of the “luxuries” of living in this place at this moment is I get to explore single me, as curfew and work permits.

That’s gonna change.

I can already see myself moving back into low power mode. That time of life where the needs of my people overweigh the needs of me and I put my vagina on a shelf.

Its a pretty vagina so I guess if I can’t use it frequently I can look at it on the shelf.

I didn’t make the mistake of pursuing a relationship.  That’s a positive. Trying to maintain a relationship in this transition would be one of the worst mistakes I could make, but on the flip side not something that I desire long term.

I don’t think that I want to be single for the rest of my life no matter how much I enjoy the freedom of no partner. I do know that trying to build a relationship while restarting my life would be disaster for that relationship.

The other thing to consider though is that I haven’t done enough to cultivate my recent partners to have a decent rotation of maintence partners.

As well as things went in a couple directions no one broke the pack and made themselves stand out.

The kid and I got some stuff done, but I am not interested in chasing.  I guess I ain’t a cougar after all. Yes we walked into our engagements with the clear understanding that cuffing wasn’t going to happen.  And perhaps its just me thinking too highly of myself, but I am too damned good in bed for me to have to always initiate our interactions.

And what we’ve gotten done so far isn’t enough to make me want to exert myself further.  It’s not that I don’t think I can teach him more, it’s not that I don’t want to teach him more, it’s that what it will take to keep moving him along the learning curve is not what I am willing to do during this change in life.

The gatekeeper has his advantages as well but if we don’t pull out something beyond a paddle it’s not gonna work out.  Now that I’ve sipped again from the fountain of youth, stamina and mobility are higher priorities for me. Yes there is something awesome about having a grown confident partner who also understands that fucking all night is for kids,  but my knees on that platform ….no Bueno.

I’m in a position where what I have isn’t enough to make me wanna take my vagina off the shelf.

Not sure where I go from here.

 

Aphrodite Brown