Once upon a time that was the screen name that I used while navigating the world wide web.  That name is especially relevant at this stage of being Aphrodite.

They hold weekly house meetings here.  They generally annoy the shit out of me and today was no exception.  I sat in the back of the room with my arms crossed and my bottom lip pouting.  I didn’t want to be here.  I don’t want to be here.

Every minute that ticked off my aggravation level grew.  In the defense of the house, my mood was fouled because my plans for the day fell through.  As I prepared to call a Lyft to the waxing salon I finally got around to seeing a text sent in the wee AM hours. My date was ill.

Now I don’t think he got ill on purpose, but it was a disappointing setback.  I had plans for him. 🙂

I sat here and realized I am in dangerous territory now, where anything is likely to set me off. Anything.

I fear some that it is my self sabotage thing trying to gain her footing.

I fear some that it is the stress of knowing this transition is coming shortening my fuses. While I want nothing more than for my baby boy to rest in his own bed and watch him sleep, his coming home isn’t the 100% end of that with ails me. It will still be some time before they close out our case and I am terrified I am gonna fuck it up.

I fear that this potential promotion at work is gonna be a mistake. Up until about 3 – 4 weeks ago that job was mine to lose, and I acted as such.

Now if you’ve spent any amount of time, no matter how small, with me….you know I think I run the fucking world as it is and that I am miraculous and phenomenal. I may have looked at the end zone before I caught the ball though, we shall see.

There’s so much strain, and not enough gain at the moment.

It’s coming though.

I will stop to applaud myself though, I have retained my petty.

I am only typing this now because they were sitting her with the lights off and you know by  now I won’t sit in the dark.

nope.

Its a good sign if I can still find a way to be petty. The rest hopefully will fall into place.

 

Aphrodite Brown