I will turn your face to alabaster when you find your servant is your master. – The Police

I didn’t know way back when I met Gei that my life was going to be altered and the trajectory would send me into a world that I still remain.

I thought I was just dating a guy I really liked and wanted to build with him.

Once I gave in and began to explore this life without him, I knew I was home – it was everything I needed and wanted even when he wasn’t there.

I look back and see all of the lessons I learned that I never knew he was teaching me.

I have a friend, let’s call him T.

T and I met through that same Telepersonals line I met Gei. Unlike Gei T is around these days.  He and I aren’t as close as we can be but we are still a part of each others lives.

I squirted for the first time with T. There were many firsts with T, including him being my first pad-wan.

I don’t know that it was intentional, I think that we were just in each other’s space at a time I needed to teach and he needed to learn. Over the years there were others but T was my first.

From the bottom I showed him what life is like at the top. He’s found his stride now, so much so that he’s actively seeking those connections he didn’t know he wanted until I showed him it was possible.  As was done to me.

As I review these last 8 weeks or so, I think to my meeting with IceCold. There’s something…..there.

This goes beyond our intellectual and physical connections.  There’s a potential there that I want to tap and see where it takes us. This isn’t about keeping him, it’s not even about stripping him.  There is a wonder in his questions, there is an eagerness in his voice that melts that part of me, the same way his Yes Ma’am makes me wet.

I know how to teach, and I know that he wants to learn…..something. What I am less sure of is taking on an apprentice if you will at this stage of my life.  I also don’t know – or I should say I am unsure – how to teach him to take it back home to someone who is not me.

That part was simpler with T, and I am likely over thinking things with the Iceman, but I still wanna proceed with caution.

Because when I am through with you…there won’t be anything left of the person you used to be.  You will be my beautiful destruction and my ugly creation and my adored surrogate.

 

Aphrodite Brown