Negative 91

so Aphrodite, how long are you gonna be petty?

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Plus one more day so you understand.

I sent a wedding gift out tonight.  Yeah I am a little late but fuck it. I only sent one mug though.  In my head it will hold the tears I will eventually sip deliciously.

The reality will likely be different but the “point” was a reminder that I am still here, and still waiting. Even though I don’t know precisely what I am waiting for, I know that I will wait.

Tonight at work it was fucking insane. My second customer told me he missed his bus because he was hospitalized and put into four point restraints. It all went downhill swiftly after that.  I am truly starting  to like my job but nights like tonight take a toll out on me.

I could only spend a few minutes clumsily flirting online the rest was spent doing that thing I do.

Ive decided not to share where I work. After the incident with “a” somethings I have to hold close to the vest.  Her knowing that the event didn’t destroy me won’t stop her from trying to threaten my livelihood and frankly I’ve come too damned far for that.

A year ago I was in Friends Hospital. While I wasn’t in four point restraints, I have seen and wore them in a non kinky setting. Of course with me being me, I got out of those restraints. The staff couldn’t figure out how I did it, but it didn’t feel appropriate to say escaping physical restraints is a specialty of mine.

Mental restraints? Much harder.  It is one of those mental restraints that had me sending out a wedding gift – that and my petty which is on fleek.

One of the mental restraints I am working on is flirting. I mean flirting with a purpose. I need to find the nuance which lies between smiling and following you around like a puppy dog and saying: “May I offer you some vagina?”.

The truth is I don’t want to have sex with everyone I flirt with, but I need to step my game up considerably.  Other than not being attracted to me, which I don’t think is humanly possible, there is no reason why I haven’t flown to Detroit by now except my flirtation game is not as good as my petty.

I had Officer Friendly on the hook and on the last night instead of sealing the deal I gave him paper without stressing the important points. By now we should’ve had copious amounts of “meaningless” sex and I should be bored with him.

Since that is not the outcome, I am gonna eat some Wheaties and get my flirt game stronger.

There is one guy I kind of like.  I don’t have the natural compulsion with him but there is something there besides my wanting his penis in my mouth. I think it is worth exploring, while I have this moment in time. I won’t have this limited freedom forever and things will get more complicated in a couple weeks.

As of right now though the calendar is clear and there may be an opportunity to watch what happens in October.  The Unity Munch is right before my birthday.  I have the time off work already and I can get down there for under $40.

The question I am asking myself is where do I want to rest my head.  I know at least two households that will take in this stray almost without question.  They are clean and safe and with people I trust.

What I am straddling the fence on is if I want to give up that weekend and my reconnection with my extended kinky family for the chance to spend it with him.

If I am being 💯 , I fear I will like it ……a lot and then be faced with the conundrum of him being a good fit for me while I am restoring things here back to normal.

In theory, my kinky extended family will always be there.  I truly have earned my spot so to speak and they genuinely like me. (I know weird right)

 

About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.
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