When Underwear Attacks

So last night I almost lost my job.

African model posing in white lingerie.


I stopped wearing underwear about 12  years ago.  It was after Clyde got here but before one of the many reunifications of The Man and I.

You see once I freed myself from cotton prison there was no going back.  Now I get that the panty free life isn’t for everyone but in the words of the youth a few years back: Y.O.L.O.

With me being a not of menopause aged woman I have to at times figure out how to manage my period and panty free life. At this point in my life I wear panties about 5 times a year and they are the most uncomfortable 5 times a year.

Once you’ve had the breeze on your vagina it is difficult to go back to breeze-less.

Due to a particularly disrespectful menstrual period this month, I had a period emergency yesterday.  That is the I almost got fired part.  I left my desk to go to Burlington to buy pants, wash supplies, and (sigh) panties.

I didn’t want to buy them but I had no choice.  I spent the rest of the afternoon struggling with that “choice”.

My first issue was not knowing what size I needed.  It’s been over a decade since I bought underwear and women’s underwear sizes don’t run like women’s pant sizes.  I stood there dumbfounded unable to translate a size 8 into my size 18 ass.  Frankly, I was confused as fuck.  I finally opened up a pack looked and said I guess I am this size. I guessed right.

The next issue was one that persisted until 11 last night: the constant tugging and altering the panties I did not want to wear but had to wear.  Every 15 minutes or so the band would annoy me and I would ask what the hell is this in my jeans?  Oh yeah – panties.

This lasted allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll night long.  I am sure that to some customers last night I looked like a crazy woman.  I felt like one.

The constant adjustments drove me half batty and I was tempted more than once to say fuck this and throw those devil instruments in the trash.

I didn’t though.  Like the “G” I am, I toughed it out. I will not confirm or deny if they did end up in the   trash after my before bedtime shower.

I shouldn’t need to, you know me by now constant reader.

It is a nice day for a breeze.


Aphrodite Brown

About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.
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