Job number one said yes. I might start as early as Tuesday. Job number two says we want you for a follow up interview. It is totally possible I might have two out of the house jobs after going six years without one.
Caring for Bonnie & Clyde was work. Make no mistake even working two jobs will be less work than my Bonnie and my Clyde when they put their minds together.
I wonder if I can do it, my anxiety is through the roof and the headache that matches is vicious.
I won’t know until I got out there, but I do think I am ready to interact with the outside world.
That is not what is weighing on me tonight though.
Tonight I am thinking of one of my peers here and the consequences of her choices.
Out of the blue she asked for a private moment with me, not unusual. Even here where I purposefully shield myself people still seek me out for counsel. Is there any wonder why I am choosing psychology? I mean…..I may as well earn a living at what happens naturally.
She didn’t want my counsel though, she wanted me to do something for her. This action if we were caught could have gotten us both terminated from this house of passage. I didn’t do it. I considered it, I felt that she was a good girl who needed a chance. At the end though I chose to not put into jeopardy my progress.
She has already made her own choice, one which may have gotten her the boot. I have not seen her this afternoon and that “solo” room of hers belongs to someone else tonight. I hope that it is just her being moved back to having a roommate. I hope that my decision to tell staff hasn’t cost her this place.
We are all here because we need something. She needs a similar thing as me, a home and her child in that home. The idea of my disclosure ending this part of her journey pains me. I didn’t “have to” tell staff…..but in my head them knowing got me away from risk and her a chance to add a service to her stay here.
She needs it, otherwise her question to me would never happen.
It still weighs on me though. Heavily.
Where I come from you don’t snitch. What is snitching though is the only option you have to save yourself? I doubt that if the roles were reversed that she would take either action….snitching or doing the request.
While she has a generous heart, that generosity may not extend to putting her role here at risk for me.
I still wonder though if telling was the right thing to do.
I feel like a creep.
This is one moment where my stubborn unapologetic ass doesn’t know if she did the right thing.
Is self preservation really worth this?