I sit at the desktop here at transitional housing working on a unit which might just be almost as old as my child.
I got to thinking about visibility.
I do that at times, run off on a tangent.
One of the features of living here is that you are allegedly monitored. It is more like a halfway house than a woman’s shelter.
During the weekends there are fewer “restrictions”, but there is decreased visibility. I am invisible to the staff. That has its perks…..it means there is no one looking over my shoulder telling me what it is that I should/could/would be doing. It also means that despite the proclamation that if there is something off…I cannot bring it to the staff.
Shit after the displacement of the two regulars from staff here….I can’t tell you the names of 50% of the staff still here. They are random women collecting a paycheck by cooking shitty meals and dispensing medications as needed.
There is no checking in, as a matter of fact we seem to annoy the shit out of them when we do things like have the audacity to ask if lunch is being served if we have not gotten it by 12:30.
I often wonder what I would do if the situation was reversed. I won’t know…..at least not from this agency, they cannot hire me to work in Homeless Services, conflict of interest and such.
But I wonder if I would on purpose distance myself from the participants or if I would on purpose attempt to be a factor to them while they are here.
I know how others would answer the question who know me. I kind of also know myself. I am the same woman who heard the girl who fell off her bike crying and ran to help her. I run to assist instead of running away. It is how I am wired. I talk real tough but when the rubber meets road, I am there.
I am wondering aloud though as I sit here and type under the “rules” oversized sign. The code of conduct expected of me while the conduct of those paid to support me seems to not have as rigid a binder.
I’ve used the time today to do that which I’ve done almost daily since arriving, applying for work. There is a wonky thing going on with the tablet, I cannot get my resume off the cloud so when I run into positions that require a resume upload I bookmark and save and take my daily computer time to fill out the applications.
The consistency is paying off. I have two interviews this week and interest emails to follow up on next week. I was so blessed with those who want me this week I refused one interview.
Big Pimpin’ n’shit.
Unfortunately this moment in time with people who want me also reminds me of one person who does not want me.
Yep. Still stuck on that a little….or a lot…depends on what time of day you catch me and ask.
Then again….if you ask I will likely say I am okay….and we all know that is a load of shit.