The BluePrints

seventeen months of turmoil and chaos ….. Six days of “normal”



The week after a judge told me that my son was not a candidate for adoption and he would return to my permanent custody I blew everything off.

Appointments were abandoned, the claustrophobic recycled air of the transitional house was oddly soothing and I retreated to the safety of silence and inaction. The only thing I managed to do was go to therapy that week.

For 50 or so minutes the therapist and I discussed the week.

I learned or perhaps I should say I vocalized something already known to me.  I am good with fixing, I am good with crisis, I am good….fucking excellent even with operating under pressure. There’s no one better when things around me are crumbling like an Inception dream. I had such a huge win coming off a string of smaller winds that I felt the need to break something – anything – so that I could stay on point.

This week I worked on how to exist and remain in control when the adrenaline stops and I am forced to exist in the non crisis. This is an important lesson that I have to add to my Arsenal. I plan on living a very boring fucking life without chaos when all this is resolved, and I need these tools.

For me though….the tool I use the most is the sledgehammer, busting things and sweeping up the smaller particles.

I am gonna need screwdrivers and nuts and bolts and wrenches and glue.

I need to go shopping.

Aphrodite Brown


About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.
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