I check the registry to get the “official” countdown, to “the date”. At times I look for which item I will send. Like everything else around me the list grows smaller, my opportunities to make an impact smaller, my relevancy diminishing.
What leapt out to me as I reviewed this one was THE PHOTO. At the old house there was a photo of me over the fireplace, I was about 3. I won’t ever own that photo again. Tears form as I type this as I am reminded of so many losses in 2015. I used to stare at that photo and wonder what became of that girl. Wonder why she couldn’t be protected, cherished, loved. I often wondered who she could’ve been if the world around her weren’t so invested in killing her innocence, her hope, her femininity, her dreams.
I won’t ever get answers to those questions like I won’t ever hold that photo again.
This was the month-ish I stayed with Tori. What’s mostly clear from this month is the specific understanding that I didn’t want to end up like her. Thus far I’ve avoided that, I’ve become something different. Time will reveal if it is better than worse.
I really missed my cat.
Seven months ago He returned to my dreams. It is a part of why I rarely sleep any longer, he lives in REM
A post Weekend Reunion blog. If I make it to Weekend Reunion 2016 at its new place and new time I wonder if it will affect me as deeply.
Right now I just want to figure out how to get there. I’ve got a little bit of time – not a lot but a little – to figure it out.
A re-post of the GoFundMe Blog. We still haven’t hit our goal almost s year later.
He Called Me Nigger
I fought him.
Fuck Bill Maher
A glimpse of the me who used to be, I took a moment to type about the world around me. I don’t see much of the world around me these days. That is a problem.
My first blog for The SWExperts
This is where I left B to seek out answers to questions that I don’t want the responses and where I shoved a wedge between my spoon and me. I miss her so fucking much.
December isn’t over, I have more writing to do, I think.