Little by little they robbed your soul until someone else was in control.
One of the uglier truths I’ve had to face in the past month is the absence of me.
For a while now my spoon has been my cheerleader and telling me just how wonderful I am and how I am going to get through this. Damn she is amazing.
Her being amazing doesn’t mean she’s totally right though. I mean she is often right, almost as much as I am, but she’s not always right.
These past weeks have shown me that any illusion I held that I was anything other than His creation are delusional. From the moment I took Pat’s advice and didn’t dismiss him during the “Dallas” trip I am what he made me.
The problem with that is……the absence of me.
yes I made a whole bunch of decisions along this road to here, but those decisions whole technically my own, were made by the canvas he painted. Until I can identify a person that is separate from him, I don’t have a lot of hope at success.
I miss my people desperately right now.
They were this tiny corner of the third Rick from the sun that wasn’t his. Even though I can trace back to how he was responsible for meeting them, they still weren’t his. They were that inch of sanity outside the Matrix which he didn’t exist. Especially my spoon. I mean seriously there was no room for him while she chased me around a Ramada with a flip flop neither one of us running and both of us giggling.
With his return to my consciousness there is no place safe to giggle.
I want a safe place again.