Vizionz is going to continue, absolutely.
I remember her origin though and it was decidedly different. It is also a part of why latching on by the mainstream doesn’t happen as often as I like. Hope. Desire. Wish.
There are other bloggers out there, some with considerably less talent than we with “wider” reach. It isn’t that I don’t have what it takes. The fact that I can write this…after yesterday tells me I do. One of the problems is when I actively promoted Vizionz was this blog is a snapshot of my life, and my life is all over the fucking place.
People who came for the sex got confused when I spoke politics.
People who came for the politics didn’t understand why I watch Love & Hip Hop – ALL of them.
It was all stuff all the time.
This is my life though and my life is not tidy and it won’t just fit tidy into a box of your choosing. Not even of my choosing and especially in this calendar year I would choose a box.
Yesterday was fucking awful.
I needed to consult my safety plan and that is a sign of how dark things get for me since the “incident”.
I still have tough days but yesterday was the toughest since waking November 1 2014.
That was yesterday though. I.Am.Still.Here.
Earlier tonight my son fell asleep in my arms. He’s not sleeping in his bed again yet, but he was back in my arms, where he belongs.
I will make my third appointment in a row for therapy.
I was an email demon today causing graham cracker palpitations all afternoon. I got to use my fingers and vocabulary to remind folks…..I am still here.
Knowing that wedding date might finally give me a chance to heal, something I’ve never quite been able to do. In the past I moved on because I had to, now…..I want to move. I may never stop wanting the fairy tale from my memories but I can finally say
its not you its me and mean it
There are thoughts of revenge and retaliation in my mind. I am after all Mere Mortal.
I am always though, even in my darkest hours