Somebody’s Baby

I first heard this song in the movie Fast Times at Ridgemont High.She’s got to be somebody’s baby.

In the movie Jennifer Jason Leigh loses her virginity to an older man in the dugout of a baseball field to this song.  It plays every other time she has sex in the movie.  As an adult and a woman I get that it was a caution.  Look at this little girl doing adult things not knowing the consequences.

My little doesn’t come out to play much any more.

She is quite charming when she comes out, but she only comes out when I feel safe.

Its been months since I’ve been in touch with my little girl.

Only one person has ever allowed her to manifest without me knowing it.  He is why I understand my girl.  She reached out to him because she knew he was safe.  He was very good for my girl. He was torture for adult me, but my girl will always look for her “Dady”.

I think most women have a form of little girl in them. I also think most girls know this world isn’t safe enough to exist so they retreat.

My girl needs more than coloring books and crayons. My girl needs more than candy and Hello Kitty placemats.  Yes you can see glimpses of her if you are close to me.  She is a part of me always, just under the surface looking to see if you can protect her.

If you cannot she protects herself to the detriment of us all.

Without my girl I am incomplete.  I am a portion of myself and at times beyond recognition.  My girl was out at the first Weekend Reunion. She was still holding out hope that her Daddy would come home.  My girl came out for August 4.  She stepped forward to them both knowing understanding her presence was desired, not by me but by them.

They wanted me naked. Transparent if you will, anything else would not be accepted. She yielded and the connections are that which I will recall in my 90s when I no longer remember my own name.

Since then though my girl has retreated further and further away. I need her. I don’t know how to bring her home though. This relationship isn’t one where she feels her presence is needed.  She is right.  For two years now she’s been allowed to walk in the shadows never forced into the light.  This relationship sustains me in so many other ways, but I still miss my girl.

There are nights when I am snuggle up with Cola that she cries.  I cannot wipe her tears though because my hands are full of my own. I don’t call on Him any longer.  She wants me to, or to find that next someone who cradles her in his arms.

I wont do that though. So I may have to consider that my little girl is gone. She’s gonna be nobody’s baby tonight…..or ever.


Aphrodite Brown


About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.
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