When I started Vizionz back in 2010 I didn’t think I would still be writing here in 2015.
I expected my life to be different than it is today.
I could create a whole post about the I wish and what ifs in my life. I don’t do that often here. I do it fairly frequently though in my head.
October 31 2014 was horrific. May 31 2015 my future is a tad bit uncertain. The days that accumulated in between those two dates are days that I’ve had to battle through mostly.
For the immediate future I am beyond fortunate to have an aide in that battle – Lexie’s ass.
After June of 2015, my life at my childhood home is closed.
That chapter of me is history. Despite the fuckery of valerie and the havoc she created, I put up a good fight. While those four walls and a roof have always been love/hate for me — the past seven years they were good for Bonnie and Clyde.
Since Bonnie’s stroke I’ve been GIRLINTERRUPTED.
I never complained. I can say this aloud now; while I would never have chosen that path for myself I am thankful for the journey. loving them, caring for them, living with them was the very best thing to ever happen to me.
It didn’t come without a personal (multiple) sacrifices on my part, yet the reward of their happiness is something that can not be assigned a monetary value. Ever.
There is a weight that goes with knowing that house is no longer a part of future, but really there is a heavier weight that is lifted. When valerie ran off into the horizon the financial mess she created remained. My love for my family never allowed me to admit it was a mountain too steep to climb.
Not unlike the other windmills I’ve tilted at in my 42 years, I chose to stand and fight. This time I lost. I’m not okay with the loss because of the consequences. I wake up daily without my child and my mother.
I am okay though with that which I was able to provide for them for as long as I did.
When the time came to finally let that house go I realized there was no where else for ME to go.
Bonnie and Clyde while away from me physically were safe at the least. I worry that they are not as cherished. I cry at the thought of them missing me. I miss them more than I allow myself to say. They are both in places though where their immediate needs are being met.
I was not though.
In a twist of fate, a girl I’ve loved since she was younger than my Clyde offered me sanctuary.
I wasn’t sure that I could accept her offer. I am happy that I did.
I packed up my Onyx and we came to stay with my niece Lexie. Her and baby Ben made room in their hearts and home for the two of us and from this home I now get to figure out what home will look like for me going forward.
As time goes on they will get nicknames like everyone else. As time goes on I might be strong enough to write more.
As time goes on our lives go on.
I will share pieces of it with you like usual constant reader.
I need to be able to find the comedy in life again. Although I do still laugh, my Shakespeare is more Hamlet these days than Taming of the Shrew.
What I know without exception though is that creating the category:
THE CHRONICLES OF LEXIE’S ASS (TCOLA)
means I am on the right path.
I will take what I can get until I regain all that I love.