I was surrounded by the comfort of all that is familiar to me wondering how much longer that comfort would remain.
There really is nothing like sleeping in your own bed. My bed which will soon be in a storage facility. Along with all that is ours while I seek the new roof and walls we will call home.
I missed my cat the most. Onyx who is always happy to see me even though she doesn’t want to admit it. Who cuddles with me during the nights which are not quite as long as they used to be but not as short as I need them to be these days.
I slept like I had not in days. I woke to the space heater and the purring of my cat and I allowed myself for the first time to think about what things are going to look like on May 1.
That scares me but what scares me more is how comfortable that building is for me. It’s not home. It hasn’t been for sometime. It is comfortable though….more so than it should be at this stage.
I look at the campaign my spoon started. I smile at the generosity of those known and unknown. I wonder what it would take to go viral like so many other campaigns have over the years. I wonder if I said Onyx needed a haircut if more people could find their inner charity and extend some our way.
Its strange how I finally let myself rely on the human condition and find myself questioning it still in different ways but still questioning.
I don’t want to ever run out of questions.
I could just also use a few answers right now.
Answers like why that phone call was finally answered. Why it was answered in the way it was. How much further I am willing to push this before I lay down the sword and allow the inevitable to happen.