While I figure out just how much I can type in my current condition, I understand now more than ever that self care needs to be priority number one.

Yes I’ve been conditioned to care for  others and to put their needs first.  Yes it is the position that brings me the most comfort.

What cannot ever happen again though is that I allow my self  care to be neglected for as long as I have.

It was a lesson I claimed to learn when I ended up in the hospital with low hemoglobin, and one I’ve obviously not perfected because I failed.

Failure isn’t the worst thing in the world.  What it is however is a beyond bitter pill for me to personally swallow.  I’m not built to accept it and the personal punishment I distribute because of it exceeds what many might find acceptable.

A part of self care for me is writing.  It is a healthier outlet for what  troubles me than things I’ve done in the past.

A different part of self care is pruning the bushes of my life.

That gardening concept never made a lot of sense to me  until now.  While loyalty is a strength of mine and a positive personality trait……I have to alter it and make loyalty to self first above all.

On the surface that means I don’t seem like one of those ‘super subs’ I see online.  In reality though it means I am setting myself up for a success that I haven’t seen in some time.

I think I can learn to be okay with that.

 

 

Aphrodite Brown