I took a few days here at the homestead to handle that which needs handling. In the absence of my presence here I ran across some thoughts and writings from my peers in the world of BDSM advocates and educators.
My vizion takes a slightly different path than theirs….. I wonder why.
The power exchange relationship is different than what many of us identify as a relationship today. Our society – Western – makes it clear that women are not property, that women are equals and women should be treated in an equal manner.
Now it rarely works out that way in a patriarchal society where my uterus is still legislated but that is the impression most present.
In my world where power exchange is the normal, equality is not a factor.
While it is important to me that my person understands fundamentally that I am as good – as capable – as _____ them; it is equally important that we not be equals. I am a woman who can live on either side of the proverbial slash in D/s with comfort. I will never be comfortable with equality in my relationship.
Being on both sides of the slash gives me a perspective that at times is not going to mesh with the masses. Who am I kidding? MOST of the time it is not going to mesh with the masses.
I needed to understand that long ago and while I act accordingly, I also find myself appalled at the absurd and nasty sentiments I run across.
As a woman who submits I understand two things. First my submission transfers authority to my partner. Second in all things self preservation is paramount.
As a woman who allows others to submit to her I understand two things. First my partner has transferred their authority to me. Second in all things self preservation is paramount.
The transfer of authority has layers and levels and looks different from couple to couple. The self preservation I hope is universal.
In choosing someone to serve me I have great expectations. My two rules are transparency and obedience. My protocols vary depending on our collective needs at the time. Yes, I commit the venial sin of considering the needs of my charge.
While it is all sexy-like to say that service for service sake is what’s hot in the streets these days I am a realist. The reality is those who serve need something in return. That ‘something’ is going to vary but it exists.
As I was forced to accept with a, that need at times cannot be met by me. The need exists none the less.
At times I can see their needs clearer than them. In those instances I require you to refer to rules number one and two:
Protect the property
If that is an impossibility then we reach impasse. Impasse is not acceptable to me in a relationship. The relationship will end shortly after.
Which brings me back to what is a little ‘off’ about Aphrodite.
What pushes me out of alignment with the other teachers I meet.
Even though my expectation is as we travel this path together that I will lead, I never expect that during said leadership you leave yourself behind.
I picked you because of you not the potential of you. I saw the potential but my choice was based in what presents not what might come along down the line.
I expect that as time rolls on that you will share my vizion but I do not require you to abandon your own. I do not require you to leave yourself to serve me.
That is the mystery in the mastery that gives me pause.
I understand service. I serve. In that service there remains the “i” – that is a need of mine. My “i” is never elevated above B’s “i” or our family “i” but the “i” remains.
I get that putting my “i” first can cause conflict both internally and externally. I get that living with my “i” as closely aligned with B’s is going to make our road smoother. These truths are not lost to me, and neither is my “i”.
“I” am a part of this relationship. There is no relationship without me. If “I” am a part of this relationship then”I” have maintain.
That doesn’t mean I won’t grow. That doesn’t mean I will be insubordinate. It also doesn’t mean that during the duration of our connection B is allowed to only consider himself. I trust in him to consider my “i”.
He won’t always do something I want him to do, or hope. He will makes choices that generate a side eye. He will fuck up. He will also do some spectacular shit that has me yodeling from the mountain top how fucking awesome Daddy is and weeping openly at my fortune.
“I” expect all of that and more. There is a process for the good – there is a process for the not so good. We will revert to the process when needed.
We – B & I.
See what I did there?