Pets are important I think. Humans should be responsible for something other than themselves, and not everyone should be a parent. My experience as a pet owner is pretty limited. I’ve only had dogs and cats. Given the choice though? I prefer pussy.

Don’t get me wrong I like dogs.  Well I like big dogs.  I am not a fan of little dogs.  If I can punt you like a football I don’t consider you a dog. [editor’s note – I have NEVER punted a dog….or a football for that matter]

I had brother & sister German Shepards.  They answered to Heidi & Hector, or what ever you called them if you had a leash in your hand.  While they were the most protective of my dogs, they were dogs.  Dogs are kind of stupid.  Dogs have esteem issues, they want you to love them, play with them, pet them.  I’m not that chick these days.  I also had a Rottweiler named Jocelyn.  Jocelyn looked much more ferocious then my shepards but the only danger with Jocelyn was that she might lick you to death.  She didn’t have a mean or angry or protect the chick who feeds you bone in her body.

As I matured and realized what I wanted in a pet, I realized I prefer pussy.

Cats are much more my style.

First, you don’t have to walk a cat.  I live in a place where there is winter.  I do not like winter. I certainly am not interested in dressing to walk a creature who relies on me to feed them in the cold of winter.  Clyde doesn’t count he gets the he lived in my uterus exception. Dogs need to be walked or they shit in your house.  Cats shit in a litter box – THAT – I can rock with in February.

Cats dont care if you like them or not.  They give zero fucks about your ego and esteem they simply live as they wish.  I can relate to that.  I have not the time these days to stroke the ego of a four legged animal. A cat does not need your approval.

Cats are hunters.  We live in an old row home with lots of nooks and crannies and ways for mice to get in during the winter. Cats hunt mice.  If you are my cat, Onyx, you do it in a very evil – sadistic – torturous manner……but like I said my cat.  I’ve got more than a little sadist in me so I get where she is coming from.

Now if you are my cat Onyx, you are also a little off.  My cat showers with me. Yes I know cats allegedly don’t like water, but my cat apparently fears my escape down the drain more than wet fur. What can I say….not one soul in this house is what one might call “normal”.

I prefer cats to dogs.  They are more reflective of my personality.  You cannot trick a cat into liking you by carrying bacon in your pocket.  A cat will ignore you, then when you’ve forgotten pick pocket the bacon from you, and then pee on your shoe for forcing them to exert that energy when they could be sleeping.

Cats mind their business.  Unless they figure the food source is in danger cats don’t investigate noises or wonder why mommy & daddy are wrestling and making funny noises.  Dogs not so much.

Cats are resilient.  You can throw a cat down the steps, they land on their feet, and they give you a look that tells you to expect feces in your shoe in the near future.  [editor’s note – I do not throw Onyx down steps]

Cats also inspire blog posts at midnight when you are trying to sleep.  You can be snoring soundly, dreaming of a 3sum with Vin Diesel & Dwayne Johnson, and a cat will hop onto your bed, with a dead mouse they want to present as tribute.  Sometimes your cat thinks their name is Catniss Everdeen. Sometimes you wish you had a big dumb dog because the “dead” mouse ain’t always dead and tries to get away when you go to throw them out.  Sometimes your cat will look at you with laughter in their eyes when this happens and their cat telepathy conveys the message – bitch dont ever go to the market and forget my food again understand?

Yep. I prefer pussy. A dog would just whine and moan and keep me awake.  Cats …..well my cat at least used a longer lasting teaching method to get her point across. Got it.

the moral of the story? Do not ever piss off black pussy.

 

 

Aphrodite Brown