Let’s just say it’s been an interesting 2 weeks.
I posted Innocence Lost after being directed to a video online. Those YouTube videos tend to affect me.
The video was more of the same from Hafez, with the exception this time he had a special guest star. The woman I’ve written about in this series, ____. Her specific words in the video you can seek out and find on your own. Her specific words to me in response to this series and my actions I will share in a separate blog to follow this one.
This blog is about the disconnect we see in those who live in abusive situations, and how we manage that.
I’ve needed to do some extra soul searching over the past month since Black BEAT.
I’ve needed to ask myself tough questions, admit tough truths, and decide on a course of action good or bad,
There are things about those who’ve suffered from abuse that to look outside in seem illogical. I could type until my fingers bleed about why the victim stays – why they defend their abuser – why they return. All of that does nothing, absolutely nothing, to erase the abuse itself.
I wrote in this series that I wanted the reader to look at the behavior and reach their own conclusions. I stand by that. Some will read and determine there is nothing to see there. Others will read and determine that the behavior is excessive, even for a BDSM relationship.
Before I continue, I want to direct you to a condition known as Stockholm Syndrome. It is real, and it exists. The article in the link goes into more detail but some of the things that you will see are:
- victims who defend their abuser
- victims who lash out at those who offer help
- victims who return to their abusers
- victims who feel obligated to protect their abusers
While I cannot say to a certainty that a medical professional could that the message I received is an example of Stockholm Syndrome, I can share it and allow the reader to reach their own conclusion.
It runs deep though, and to ignore that is to ignore the damage that happens when we turn a blind eye to abuse.
The truth of the matter is that there are multiple examples of this behavior I could have chosen. I won’t go so far as to call abuse an epidemic, but it exists. The further truth is that I chose this example because it played out publicly, it needed to be addressed, and Hafez is not one of my favorite people.
In telling this particular story, I allowed my distaste for him to expose others in a way I never intended. I have to own that mistake and deal with the consequences of it. It might mean losing friendships. It might mean my credibility takes a hit. While none of that is an attractive option, I pushed this particular rock down hill so if it rolls over me in the process, I have only myself to blame.
I own an apology to a friend because of this series. I put them in a position they did not consent to. They may forgive me for it, but I should have been a better friend and not put them in this position to begin with. Saki, I am sorry.
I owe an apology to those who have read the series. I apologize for triggers tripped, minds blown and associations questioned.
If I’ve learned nothing from this series, it is that managing abusive behavior is bigger than just me, and that my platform also needs to be bigger than just me.
I’ve had to ask myself is this a personal vendetta? The answer I reached was no. While the constant reader might disagree I know that it is not.
While I was gifted? cursed? with this story in my heart its always been bigger than the people named inside.
It’s always been about the bigger picture, the greater cause. I can admit though that it was made simpler due to my distaste for Hafez.
The next question I asked was my intent, what was it when I published this series?
Did I seek to defame the character of that man or did I mean to share a cautionary tale so that others could learn?
As I reviewed the prior entries in this series, it was clear to me my intent was the greater cause.
If my intent was the greater cause then would that cause be injured if I altered or removed the series?
My response to that was yes it would injure the cause. If I allow my voice, and by extension her voice to be silenced by a man on a mission to rehab his image more harm would result in that action. That leaves me in a pickle of a situation though and the options available to me are limited.
I find myself in the position of ignoring a request that was made or granting that request and starting over.
While contemplating the request I had to factor in what I wrote, the unexpected consequences of what I wrote, the truth of what I wrote, and where I would go from either position I eventually took.
I had to factor in what I know about victims, their behaviors, and the possibility that someone might not see the story and be victimized at a later date.
I’ve always wanted Vizionz to be a platform, and it appears that day has arrived. With that platform comes a responsibility that I have to take seriously and set aside personal preferences – not just my own but that of individuals as well.
I also needed to understand that while I might mean well, and I might be doing the right thing, that my being right is not the bottom line.
So here we are…. an additional entry into the series I keep trying to leave static.
The end decision is that the Hafez series will stand. In the next [and hopefully final] entry I will share the message I got from someone indicating that they were ____, and as always allow the reader to reach their own conclusions.