One of the things a woman worries about as a single parent is how their child will react when/if they decide to date again.

Sometimes the dating/courting process happens very early on so that the child thinks the other adult has ‘always’ been there.
Sometimes it happens after the parent – child bond is solidified and there can be tension.

Sometimes it happens when you are Clyde’s mother.

Although I have a pretty varied sexual history, that history trickled to a drip when Clyde took up residence in my uterus.  When I brought him home from the hospital I held no illusion that Mario and I would live happily ever after. I did think that Mario would be as active and loving a father to Clyde that he was to his daughter but that never panned out.

Understanding that if I were going to have another relationship I needed to do it with a child, I made the decision that my fancy free days would be behind me.

It was not that I thought my behavior was poor – quite the opposite.  It was about making the decision to not allow my child to form multiple attachments to multiple people who I was not also attaching myself to … or at least while clothed.

I’ve been protective of Clyde, even before his Autism diagnosis.  Post diagnosis I turned into a mama bear.  That meant I needed to suppress even more of my “adult sexual self” in my mind.  That meant to me being  beyond positive that those who I brought around my child were people I planned to keep around.

Until recently the male influences in Clyde’s life were his TSS Abdel and The Man.

Abdel has been with our family since Clyde was in kindergarten.  He walks into 8th grade in a couple weeks. He’s been more like Uncle Abdel than Mister. He’s loved Clyde like his own four children and I’ve watched his children grow as I’ve watched my child.  That was a connection I was happy to allow to grow.

The Man was a little more complicated.

Once it was clear that he was going to stick around – yes there was doubt for a period of time – that connection took a little nurturing.  Clyde is used to being the only man around and someone else walking into his kingdom was no bueno.

One thing that stood out though was that Clyde while testosterone driven did not challenge The Man in ways he’s challenged male friends of mine in my life.  It was as if he knew The Man was important and reluctantly allowed him to be in my life.

I planned on being single for a lot longer than I was before B and a. I thought there would be many many more years ahead of just Clyde and myself.

Then things changed and I was faced with the how swiftly do I make the hellos happen.

One advantage B has is that he’s been my friend for years.  Living vicariously through my life he’s gotten to know Clyde tendencies even though he never met Clyde.  I used to joke that it would take 3-4 years after I began to date someone before I would allow them to meet Clyde.  B wrecked that curve.

The funny thing about the two of them is although Clyde was totally NOT having this guy who was not The Man around his momma, they swiftly came to a man agreement.

I laugh because the very first time Clyde saw me hug B Clyde literally ripped his arms off me.

Today B has Clyde doing things that his selective Autism and Bonnie’s mother hen attitude prevent like bringing in grocery bags.

I tear up a little bit when I think that B is the first man to ever get a hug from Clyde.  My Clyde who doesn’t hug anyone.

Today on the way to an appointment Clyde was in cranky mode and a could hear his frustration in his voice.  With her perfect southern accent she spoke to him.  He quieted immediately.  Thank the heavens and Mandisa for bluetooth.

She spoke and he got quiet.  She spoke some more and he smiled.  She offered to club me in the knee and I called red.

It was a good day.

I don’t think she will hobble me like Annie Wilkes…..but just in case I will keep a walker near by and pepper spray since both Clyde and I seem to be immune to it.

Being the Clyde whisperer is not a simple job.  The fact that I seem to have recruited two of them makes me one of the most fortunate women on the planet.

 

Aphrodite Brown