Don’t Be That Girl

I find myself thinking this a lot lately.

Ironically, being that girl is really simple for me.  This might be a time and place to take a less simple path.

I am prejudiced and judgmental.  Folks like to say pretty phrases like “I don’t judge” but we all do to an extent.  Now, our judgment might not impair our ability to be impartial, our judgment might not suggest we impose our will on another, but we all judge.

Sometimes we make good judgments like Uncle Tommy should not be alone with little Billy because he cannot keep his hands to himself.

Sometimes we make bad judgments like wearing Uggs boots… ever.

We all do it though.

Multiple times in a day as I peruse the world wide web, I make judgments.  I find people to be brilliant, others to be worth my pity, others still I chant they are not able to reproduce.

Yesterday I ran across an extra long essay on Fetlife.

Yes, that is the first thing wrong, on a kinky site I am running across someone long winded.  In their defense, I am at times considered long winded.  This particular post was  the long good bye to the “lifestyle”.  You run across these from time to time.  People on social media share and at it’s heart Fet is social media.

I’ve never quite understood the WHY behind the good bye though.

They normally go something like this:

Fuck this, the game has changed, I am not hating the game, fuck all of you and the bitch you slid out of, if you  matter to me you know how to reach me off line.

Then that post gets a whole bunch of people on their friend’s list to say something like:


We will miss you, please don’t go, it’s too soon, who else will I talk to, you are making the best decision for you, be well.


Now more often than not… the person who gives this extra long Cher-like good bye tour comes back.  Everyone says hooray and it’s forgotten that 10 minutes ago this person said fuck yo couch.

I am no psychic but this person – who wrote this post – has said good-bye before.  If I were a betting woman, I would say she will be back.

This isn’t so much about the particular person as it is the “reasons” behind her departure.

  • Nubian philosophy and Christian walk; both of which in some ways could support living BDSM but only when it is bent to adjust to your desires and needs and not the doctrines of spirituality and theology

Yeah.  God made me do it.  I guess.  The thing is that there are plenty of Christians, and Muslims, and Buddhists, and other religious type folk who live the lifestyle.  I think they would take exception to being told they were bastardizing the word. I also think that the mythical god in the sky if they existed doesn’t really give a shit about your kinky life but there is that judgment thing I was speaking of earlier.

  • My experience in BDSM is full of 25 plus years. Mostly good and wonderful. Yet the new trendy, we make up shyt as we see fit to our lifestyle or needs our desires, our clichés, and our makeshift 50 shades of grey philosophy doesn’t excite me, nor is it recognized or respected by me

I’ve been in this life since I met Gei in the late 1990s.  I have not yet hit the 20 year mark.  This person is in my age range.  I actually think she might be a year younger than me, but I cannot say for sure. Regardless, it’s annoying to hear from yet another old head that the NKOTB are doing it wrong.  There isn’t a one true way to do this thing no matter how much we would like it.  Now there might be a way that will make you give the person a side eye… like for instance watching someone wrestle publicly for about 2 years trying to figure out if they are a lesbian or not.  Yeah that happened. When she finally figured it out though we all kind of just shrugged and kept it moving.

  • I make an announcement not as much for you; as I make for my love, passion, respect and honor in the lifestyle. I been true to it; the kind of truth when BDSM stood for something had principles, abided to traditions, and when it didn’t you were called on your fake Barbie-doll bs. The time when a Sadist didn’t need a custome to perform, but had the wherewithal to go from zero to a hundred so hard the danger and risks couldn’t be applied to SSC or RACK…– these sissies today would call 911.


Yeah you did make the announcement for your audience.  If not, you would not have written it.  Just like I write this for my audience.  It happens to be what I think, and that I feel…. but it also happens to be so that people will read it. If I didn’t want you to read it I would not publish it.

I seek affirmation in many different ways…even in this blog at times.  I don’t deny that.  I also don’t apologize for my actions or seeking that affirmation.  You will support me or you won’t. You will agree or not.  I don’t humiliate those with dissenting opinions and I don’t censor you here.  What I also don’t do is  lie to you and say that some of this isn’t for your benefit.  If I didn’t crave the energy that comes from interaction with my readers, I would not renew the hosting services once a year with BlueHost.  [by the way… if you’d like to contribute to help with that annual renewal thing I have an APP for that]

Yeah I write because it feeds me, yet I also try to make it entertaining for you.  I succeed with that at times.

  • I am done. Hang my hat on the wall. I retire. I am veteran. I will keep teaching, mentoring, sponsoring, advocating, counseling and writing, teaching and international engagements. I will always consider myself a lifestyler but I will not practice the BDSM lifestyle or play publicly. My path moves to a higher calling.

To that I channel the prolific urban poet born Calvin Cordozar Broadus, Jr.:


Bitch Please.

Teaching is living the lifestyle. Mentoring ditto.  That career thing you have settled on will involve in part advocating BDSM as a lifestyle.

Kid yourself but kid me not.

I don ‘t often get off on a rant like this, and I wasn’t gonna even write this.  Yet B the little devil that he is planted a bug in my ear today. Well…it’s not his fault, I have to own my desire to be “that girl”.  I just chose to not be excessively bitchy about it and opted to use my personal forum to call bullshit, and not air her out on Fetlife.


If you’d like to read the whole thing the click on this for the link.

In the meantime….. I am gonna work a little harder to not be “that girl”.  I didn’t get there today… maybe tomorrow


Aphrodite Brown

About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.
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