By now you’ve figured out that I like and know a thing or two about sex. I’m no sexologist (yet) but I am pretty knowledgeable about the horizontal mambo. I am also kind of knowledgeable about porn. I like porn.
I didn’t like this:
If you are going to bother to record yourself having sex to shop it around there are a few things you need to be aware of so you do not fall in to the Mimi & Nikko trap.
I take porn for what it usually is, two (or more) people getting paid to pretend like they are having the best sex of their life in an effort to turn me on enough to get me to either fap or at the least keep watching.
I was attempting to explain to my guy that this was not a ‘lost’ or leaked’ porn tape. I’ve seen //// recorded enough homemade porn and seen //// been on the set of enough pro shoots to know the difference. I jumped straight into the second scene, the professionally shot scene and while fast forwarding I saw lube.
Now lube is not unusual in a porn movie, what is unusual is the man wincing, stopping, applying lube and saying a prayer before he dives back into the pussy. That is what I saw which in turn compelled me to start at the beginning.
Now the “official” story is that Mimi & Nikko were returning from a trip to the Islands and in a piece of luggage that happened to be stolen was the sex tape.
I’ve called bullshit about that from the beginning but I will get to that later.
Scene one of this clusterfuck takes place in one of their bedrooms. You know because there are family photos on the wall behind them. Nevermind that… ask the question why they couldn’t wait to tape in a month or so when Mimi’s new boobs were settled enough and could be touched so that she didn’t spend the entire time holding them in one place.
She looked at times like she was in pain because they weren’t bound. Now I get it takes a minute for new implants to feel comfortable, but for the love of god people just because the bruises and swelling are gone doesn’t mean you get in front of the camera! Thy are implants, you can wait a month they will still be perky.
The first scene is music heavy because Mimi is a silent fuck. She makes almost no noise. Now my guy and my girl think I am loud – they are wrong by the way – but even if you are not loud, a little moaning is encouragement to your partner. I am not saying you have to go all Wesley Pipes and talk shit from the moment you walk into the room… I am saying don’t just lay there.
And that is mostly what she did. Lay there.
Doggy style – no bouncing it back – no hip wiggle – no back arch. When he tried to pull her up to go a little deeper….. she fell down.
Missionary – legs splayed. No rising up to meet his thrusts. No holding her legs open to let him in deeper. Just there. On occasion she would curl a toe. On occasion.
Girl on top. This is where you think that finally she will come alive. NOPE. She was just as lifeless “riding” his dick as she was on her back. He had to move her hips. He had to thrust up.
The second two scenes of the sex tape are professional. If you doubt it there is a capture of the camera in the bathroom scene. Boom mic and all.
The second two scenes are more of the same except Nikko gets tired of reaching over to the nightstand for the lube, he leaves it by her side for easy access. Mimi has on heels this time though. The heels prevented the occasional toe curling.
There is oral sex. Nikko goes down. Mimi is virtually silent. Mimi goes down. And she ignores 90% of his dick, 100% of his balls and gives the worst blow job I’ve seen since Kim Kardashian’s pathetic dick sucking. At least Kim was able to parlay that into a billion dollars. Mimi seems to have parlayed her tape into one more season on Love & Hip Hop.
I somehow doubt Mona Scott Young is paying the cast a billion.
There’s Mimi in the shower. She’s an attractive 40ish woman. But she’s back to the bad head, the bad sex, and boring me to tears.
The two things that stood out the most was during the ‘professional’ shoot Nikko was only semi hard. That is not unusual. All men can’t perform on camera and thankfully for Nikko he’s got enough that semi hard he can make something happen.
Unluckily for Nikko he was fucking the Mojave Desert known as Mimi’s pussy. In her defense she might have a medical issue, but Mimi has dry pussy. I was positive that they went to the shower because the friction sparks were about to set the bed sheets aflame.
I am convinced that as blessed as Nikko is, that his dick used to be 2″ thicker before he started fucking Mimi and having the skin on his dick shaved off by her dry ass pussy.
now the story….
I call bullshit on the it was in my luggage. Mimi knew, or she should know that Nikko shopped that tape. If she doesn’t know she is a fool. If she does know, she is a liar. If you want to shop a sex tape, shop the tape!
You went back to shoot additional scenes for Vivid anyhow so why not?? You don’t have to be ashamed of having sex with your partner. Even on tape. Unless you turn in a Mimi performance. You should be ashamed that you are a boring fuck. But apparently Nikko likes your boring fuck so ignore the detractors and go get your money.
I sent Mimi a tweet asking why her vagina was so dry.
She’s yet to respond.
The positive is that she is also yet to block me.