If you have special powers you should use them for good, not evil.
Find a cure for cancer.
End world hunger.
The use of your magic powers should NOT be to block your mother from her adult activities.
We’ve established that Clyde is a cock blocker. He has decided that mommy doesn’t need her boyfriend. Thankfully he doesn’t know exactly who her girlfriend is or else that would be on the table too. He’s decided in his infinite 13-year-old wisdom that mommy doesn’t need adult companionship so he will do what he needs to do to prevent any of that thing from jumping off.
First it was the nighttime phone calls. Can’t have those. Nope. Must be prevented at all costs. He even managed to recruit his grandmother and Onyx the cat into his shenanigans. One night at about 10:55 pm, all of them descended on me at once about 14 seconds before the phone rang. They magically all had something else to do 30 minutes later as my guy had to head back to work.
On the nights that Clyde is too tired to throw up a block he sends the cat or grand mom to do his dirty work. His minions do his bidding quite well.
Now my guy and I do manage on occasion to get our alone time, even when we have to schedule it for unconventional times.
One might think that a little thing like the school day could work in my favor. One might think until you realize that Clyde has a magic pocket, with magic powers, and that he uses those powers for evil.
It took a lot of page flipping through respective calendars but the guy and I found common time today. Our plans were deviant and nothing could stop us! We were gonna do things illegal in 48 states and 1 US territory! We were going to leave one another funky and exhausted and one of us would say ouch every time we sat down.
Then I woke up this morning.
First I over slept. Even though I went to bed waaaay early last night it was not early enough to satisfy the sandman because I woke up 40 minutes later after having shut off my alarm in my sleep.
Second the nurse called and wanted to take the day off. The devil is a liar I say and let her know I would leave the door open for her. I don’t impede on her days off, but damn chick you only work 4 days of the week as is, why do you pick the ONE day that I am gonna get this week to see my guy?
Third the school bus didn’t show. We waited, and waited, and waited and finally at 8:20 it was apparent that Clyde and I would have to take SEPTA to school. That would not have been terrible except for that April showers brings May flowers things going on right now.
So I get Clyde to school… late… and I am met with the information that today is a 1/2 day. School will let out promptly at noon.
I tried to call my guy and he was already on the road. Hell I would have been too if not for the comedy of errors that resulted in the best laid plans of healthy deviants going awry.
Now the two of us being reasonable and rational adults figured out that we could still spend some time together and enjoy one another. We just had to do it in a different way doing different things. We also had to do it in a much shorter window of time than we’d hoped.
Did I say he bought rope? Pretty rope. It was red – with designs – and there was lots of it.
There was also the gleeful chuckle I could hear in my head of the kid with the magic pocket who managed to block even from his classroom.
Why does my kid not use the contents of his magic pocket to pay the mortgage or produce winning powerball numbers? Why instead is he insistent on making sure his momma doesn’t get [redacted]?