The first time I had a hand “around” my throat during sex, it wasn’t a choke. He was holding me down, gaining leverage, and doing what he had to do to keep me where I was so he could keep hitting ‘that spot’. He was not squeezing, he was not trying to cut off my air. I realized that I liked having his hand there, so much so, that I kept trying to rise up and put my neck into his grasp.
That partner and I eventually graduated to choking, but it took some time.
In another forum I was asked what one kink could I not live without. My response was asphyxiation. Ironic when you think about it because if we do it wrong, I won’t be living with or without the kink, but it remains, this girl’s gotta have it. The single sexiest thing that a partner can do to me is choke me. It can be with a belt, it can be with their hands, it can be with their penis or strap-on. What ever method used, well it’s alright by me.
In the BDSM world there is debate about the safety of breath play and asphyxiation. There are those who teach methods of it, and say they are teaching safety. There are others who say it can never be safe, and since it can never be safe, it should never be done. I do NOT endorse it. I do NOT condone it. I do NOT suggest that anyone who reads this go out and do it. It is inherently dangerous and there is a risk of death.
So why after all of that am I writing about it? Erotic Asphyxiation is a pretty common kink, or it would be if kink were common. People out there are doing it, and many who are not are curious about it. I felt it necessary to approach the topic, and let you constant reader take it from there.
- It is dangerous. That has to be the very first thing I address, because it is dangerous. We all know that danger can be sexy, but this danger is unique in that the danger associated with it is death. You can not come back from that, not even on AMC – so understand – Breath Play is dangerous.
For the young and healthy it is a high risk behavior, for those who are less than that it is a higher risk. If you have asthma or other breathing problems, you may not want to try this. If you have high cholesterol choking can loosen plaque in your arteries that can move through your circulatory system. If your partner is not attentive and doesn’t notice you’ve lost consciousness, there are risks there as well.
I don’t profess to be an expert, there are others who have researched this erotic act much deeper than I, and can walk you through the dangers of it in more detail. One such person is Jay Wiseman. His essay on breath play can be read in its entirety here. I strongly suggest that you read it not once, but twice.
Now that I’ve spent 300 words explaining how what you want to do is risky, there are also rewards to the action.
There is the very simple it makes me cum – hard. There is also the more complex fear factor that increases arousal.
It helps with trust. You have to understand that the person is not trying to hurt you or kill you, that is trust. You have to understand that the person is paying enough attention to you to not take you past the point of no return.
I had someone choke me unconscious once. He and I have never done it again. His choke was not intended to knock me out, but his unabashed pleasure at having done it frightened me. In less than 15 seconds my world went black and I was unsure if it would stay black. When I came to again, his smile gave me pause. When I asked him what happened he simply smiled. That was too close to psychopath for my taste.
I’ve engaged in breath play since, just not with him.
Ironically my date with crazy has increased my attraction to breath play.
This might just be one addiction I am never going to kick. I think I am okay with that.