… is real folks. The struggle is real.
I am a simple girl with simple needs. I try not to expect too much, or ask too much. I expect that on occasion now that I have this relationship thing going on that I might – maybe – possibly – every now and then have an orgasm.
Orgasms are wonderful!
I like them. I try to have them frequently.
I would like to be having one right now instead of typing but cuffing season has been extended, and I am the victim of having a male child who senses a disturbance in the force and seems totally uninterested in sharing his mother.
One of the happy things about a relationship, especially a new relationship, is that you are learning things about one another and if you are fortunate that includes learning what your partner likes about sex. In my case with my couple, I get it twice. Yes, I am a lucky bitch, except for this little thing that the kid has determined shall be: my newly installed nightly phone call from one of them is on permanent interrupt.
Now I don’t recall ever saying out loud that I would be having this nightly phone call, which may or may not include $1.00/minute quality phone sex, but it is now apparent that the disturbance in the force has been detected. Clyde has declared ain’t nobody bustin a nut up in this house.
Clyde is in bed and on his pillow and snoring softly at 10pm. At 10:46pm I hear his footsteps running up the hallway and suddenly there is a child in my bed. At 11pm the phone rings. Clyde proceeds to talk to me through the phone call. Clyde proceeds to check his fingers and toes to stay awake. Clyde pulls out an eyelash to stay awake until I say goodnight and 45 seconds after I hit the end button, zzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I blame this one on Shonda Rhimes. I was weeping about the death of James and the pain of Cyrus. By the way, if you didn’t see it you should. The actor who plays Cyrus did some of his best work ever. Clyde was sound asleep but I think he inherently understood that Scandal fucks with my head every damn week so there was no need for him to cock block because Shonda would do it for him.
It is a Friday night no school in the morning the kid can stay up a little later. Only apparently the kid hit the no doze today because he looks like he could run 5 miles in sand at 10:45pm. Okay no biggie. My partner wants me for more than just my body right? We will just talk.
Except Clyde decided that just in case he failed in his mission he would bring in reinforcements. 11pm the phone rings. Clyde is right by my side. 11:03pm Onyx the cat comes in and decides she has not had enough lap time today and plops on my lap. 11:06pm Bonnie comes in even though she almost NEVER comes down the steps after 10.
By 11:11 I expected one of the Mummers String Band to come in and start playing When the Saints Go Marching In.
Whitney Houston there is a motherfucking problem. I can’t get my alone time with my people’s.