Can You Tell Me How to Get to the Champagne Room?


I am a pretty kinky girl.  I eat my vegetables and I don’t kick cats.  Why is the universe conspiring against me to get to the strip club then?

The idea of going to a strip club – a Gentleman’s Club if you will – first occurred to me probably about 15 or 16 years ago.  I went to my first closed door all  male revue.  A co-worker of a friend bought me a ticket and invited me to her table.

I showed up expecting Chippendale’s.  I left a little twisted and a lot aroused.  If you’ve never been to a closed-door male revue I will direct you to Google Real Sex #20.  The closing segment of the show was a behind the locked door vizion of the review.  I was not in the audience that night, but that is the same type of show I attended.  Many of the same dancers featured on that show are dancers who have gotten more of my dollar bills than I care to admit out loud.

For my birthday a few years ago I had a private party in a hotel.  I had my own private dancer Flame.  He smacked it up, flipped it, rubbed it, and rolled out. It was a good time with my girls, except for S who got mad he had on baby oil.

I’ve yet to set foot into a club though where the strippers have breasts and wear 6′ heels.  I want to go to one… I really do!  I just don’t want to go by myself. I am not afraid, just realistic…..there are places a single woman doesn’t need to be alone.

The list of men who’ve promised me that we would go to a strip club is growing… still.  I even get to add a woman to that list since my girlfriend insisted that she be present when I pop one of the last cherries I have to pop.

Now what I really, and truly want is to find a grimy hole in the wall.  Its been explained to me thought that a real hole in the wall is men only.  Apparently my money isn’t good enough for them.

I thought I would get to the strip club during my trip to Weekend Reunion.  I was showered even – after I put out the fires on the home front that were disturbance to my peace.  Then the text message came in from those who were at the club saying the dancers were uninterested.  Really?  You have a group of people who showed up in a limo – with money – and you can’t be bothered to shake that ass girl?  HMPH!!!

Close but no cigar, foiled again!

The Man almost to me into Wizard’s once.  I put the ixnay on that though when I found out there were no Black women.  Yes, by this time… after all this time… I should likely just take what I can get.  Since the universe has conspired against me to keep me out of the club though I feel okay for holding out for what I am most attracted to, and most desire.  I might have slutty tendencies but I do have a standard… kind of… maybe.

My Bishop told the tale of the place he went – after ______- and I was able to leverage that into a promise AND a lap dance!


She shoots she scores!!! 

Then my twin said she wanted to come as well, and refused to be left out of my virginal experience and I threw my head back and in my best Dwayne Johnson voice screamed FINALLY!

Then I looked at the weather for those days the three of us will be together. There will be freezing rain all those nights.  All of them.  I can’t very well go to a strip club when the roads are coated in ice.  I will slip and fall and bust my ass in my own 6″ heels.

We even found the perfect club.  Not precisely a hole in the wall, but rather wall to wall women of color.

And the weather will make getting to the club impossible.


What does a girl have to do to get a lap dance these days?


Aphrodite Brown

About Aphrodite Brown

Aphrodite Brown is the owner and creator of Vizionz from the Bottom. Vizionz is a life and culture blog covering all aspects of life from pop culture, to politics, to parenting, with an extra heavy dose of alternative lifestyle & sex positive living.

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