Bonnie and I have a very long – very erratic – sometimes troubled sometimes wonderful never ever dull history. That history is being written every day with our current circumstances.
I think often about what her stroke in 2007 cost all of us. I don’t regret the choice that I made to stay and fight for her. I don’t regret stopping Valerie from her plan of destruction.
I do wonder at times what if, but I don’t allow myself to wallow in that what if.
Bonnie is still Bonnie. She is the same woman who once pulled a knife on me, but over the past few days I got to see a slightly gentler Bonnie.
My best friend’s name is Carla. We met way back when I was a police dispatcher. You know back when we rode dinosaurs to work like Fred Flintstone. Back then Bonnie was ornery. She also didn’t like Carla at all.
Bonnie didn’t like that I hung out with Carla and partied and showed an independent streak. It was not Carla’s fault, it was simply me learning who I wanted to be as a person and making that happen.
Bonnie claimed one day that she got a hang up call and when she hit the redial it was Carla so of course it was Carla who hung up on her and that disrespectful bitch was public enemy #1.
Bonnie spent years holding onto that grudge.
Until her stroke.
After her stroke the evil Carla was suddenly someone worthy of her daughter’s friendship.
Mind you, I’ve always known that Carla was worthy. She’s been my bottom bitch for a long time and has always had my back.
When I was homeless she gave me shelter. When I was hungry she fed me. She’s never judged me. She’s never been afraid to tell me when I was wrong. She’s supported me when I was right. And this past week when my world was collapsing I picked up the phone once – said I needed help – and she was there.
But I watched Bonnie interacting with Carla and it made me smile. In her illness she’s able to see what a true friend Carla is to me. I think a part of it is that mom knows that I won’t ever leave her now. I am here until the end. That was something that Bonnie has feared in the past that she need not fear now.
And as the people who used to be here and used to be around whittled away and we’d go months without phone call or visit, one of the people who never forgot where the house was located… was Carla.
So many people along the way abandoned us but never Carla. So many people along the way forgot about us – but not Carla.
Even when she didn’t live in the state she never let me be alone for long.
and the kinder —- gentler (kind of) Bonnie finally sees the woman I’ve always seen.
and for that I am beyond thankful.